treat ur weights graciously.and u'll overcome them better

wat a title..
jus to diss this asshole of a guy in the toa payoh gym jus now...
i mean.i don't deny the satisfyin feelin of jus tossing ur weights around after u've completed a set..a sense of achievement..
but somehow the clanging of metal against metal jus seems to fuel his strength..or so he thinks..
without the consideration of the negative externality he's causing others..
it's jus so irritating..so agonizing..to see such poor gym etiquette
i mean..if 99% of big guys in the gym don't toss their weights around..i don't see the need to toss ur weights around to make tat impact...
jus do ur weights quietly..maybe a toss every now and then.but don't bang it down like u're tryin to cause a hole in the gym floor like wat a C-4 bomb will do...
and ur physique will show..and respect will be earned in the gym jus like the many big guys out there who do their weights quietly..

oh wells..had to take a break from bloggin jus now cos my fingers were kinda shivering manx..
weird.was so hungry tat they shivered..

newaes..i've been thinkin alot bout group dynamics these few days...
oh wells...
maybe it's too personal...

sighs

don't think i shld blog bout wat happened yesterday...
it's jus nice feelin tat way again.

newaes.maybe sometimes i've pissed some people off with my shoot-off-my-mouth- remarks..
but it seriously aint' without any harm...

i jus feel tat group dynamics shld be observed.
i dnt really noe who else is readin my blog..
but yea i jus keep it as tat.

ran 8k today..
i think my mental for long distances isn't there..
i mean i jus read the papers..people are doin 10k for their easy runs.of course from a training schedule of a recreational runner..
but yea i ran today..was damn tired.didn't noe why..
maybe i was jus sorting out all the tghts tat have been in my head since yest...
tght bout cg's message bout exchanging our strength for His strength..
and i jus left the remaining torturous part of the 8k to Him...
it's really mind over matter manx.putting a foot ahead of another and tellin myself not to stop.after awhile i jus left it to Him

sometimes i see friends around me who are attending scholarship interviews and stuff..
jus feel kinda hmms...
i wouldn't say it's an inferior feelin..
but jus lookin at them will make me reflect on my own..as in wat's actually my ambitions in life..
these friends hav interviews lining up..and they noe wat they want..
i'm not too sure about myself..
not to say tat i've zilch plans..
jus tat i'm torn btw sports science and a practical business route..
u see passion vs interest..
two different worlds...
sighs..never mind i've 2 years to ponder over this...

wisdom yet again

went for my first care group yesterday..
it was quite nice..everyone's receptive..ahhaa though there were only three of us excluding the cg leader gerry...
by His grace...as time passes..hopefully i'll be more comfortable ard bernice...
but newaes..i'm makin a mental note for lessons learnt in some chapters of the bible..
i think it would be apt if one could talk about a message by quoting straight from the bible..
yep..i don't really wan to be a "oh it's sunday and it's time for church"
i would rather i know more bout the Gospel and His wisdom..
newaes talkin bout wisdom..
i was pissed yesterday over money...
my sis kept nagging at me for spending money..
told her i jus wanted to streak my hair purple and she gave me a lashing..
using examples on CNY!like how i spent so much on a long sleeved shirt..prom! harlow prom is a different matter from my shoppin...spoilt my phone and had to change a new one!harlow i can't be blamed if technology decides to leave me in the lurch rite..
blah blah..super pissed..like come on i'm really tired of dressing in pe tshirt for the past few months..now's really the time to dress at least a lil nicer and stuff..haven't been shoppin for months..now tat everything's over..at least i can go out and breathe some fresh air in fresh clothes rite..
oh wells..and so i went to the kitchen looked out of the window and kept on talkin to God...
tellin Him bout my money stuff..tat day i was pissed cos i was runnin a budget deficit..it didn't help when i cldn't find the savage garden chord books..
tat day..i kept on thinkin..lamenting..so many things to buy with so little money..
then suddenly..with jus a snap of fingers...
i jus kept on talkin and talking..
and suddenly i realised tat money was a curse...of course in a spiritual intelligent way of lookin at it..i listened to the sermon on the benefits of tithing..and still on some services i wouldn't tithe..
in the back of my head i'll be thinkin tat the church already recieves so much from the wealthy businessmen..so it's okie and stuff..
but it jus dawned to me bout wat pastor said bout tithing..
tat the money goin ard in this world is cursed...yea..it made me down and out..it made my sister nag at me..it made me pissed..how is it not a curse?
and slowly a thought led to another..
yep..it's time to understand the true meaning of tithing..
i told myself..i give money not cos i expect more in return..like wat renfu's mother thinks..
i really jus wan to give the money cos i jus wan to keep it aside for the sanctification of the Lord..to keep tat amount..no matter how small.away from the world circulation of cursed money...
yea another point to add...if money's not cursed..why is everyone so preoccupied with makin more money..
everything's about money..everything..even the choices tat we students at this age make..it's all bout practicality instead of chasing some passion tat we hav inside...
sighs..tat's another matter i shall talk about it another day..
newaes...
it was yesterday tat i truly understood the meaning of tithing...
as in...the benefits..i don't really noe..but i noe why i need to...
i seriously jus wan to keep some money away from the cursed currency floating around..
with tat intention in mind..i gave 2 bucks.(no matter wat the amount)
my intent was jus to keep it sanctified...for the Lord.
yep..from a person who was sceptical bout tithing after these few months of church going..
i was transformed yet again by understanding why i needed to tithe...
praise the Lord.

last mcq

hmms...and so bio option ended today...i'm left with bio mcq...
while others hav already reconciled the fact that their As are over..some haven't..
maybe if i'm one of the first few who ended my As early..i will feel a tad of regret...
tat this journey is somewhat comin to an end..
the drudgery of life...everyday comin to sch in the morning dressed in ah pek clothes..studyin..foolin ard burning stuff..jokes..terrace..bingeing....
recently there has been lots of personal stuff goin ard in the study gang..
stories evolved..stories created....
oh wells...somehow i noe them but i still manage to stay away from these...
maybe during this period of time...
i jus see things in a different perspective...
the troublesome human drama...
i had too much of it..tat now i jus wan to shy away for it...
we spend too much of our energy thinkin too much in our brains.like wat pastor prince said yesterday..
his sermon yesterday was of extraordinary humour..
and it was a wonderful message yet again..
i always look forward to goin church...to be in His presence with the rest...
the worship together jus touches us inside...
everytime i look at the group of people whom i hav shyed away from...
i don't sense anything..i think i've talked bout this before..
i jus can't describe tat feeling...when tat group of pple whom u once had laughter with..they jus seem likle acquaintances now..
acquaintances they shall be..cos i believe watever friendships God wants to give..it'll be tat...
tat's how i found grace in the new group of frens whom i made while studyin...
they may not really noe my awful past...but nonetheless they're there...
or rather..i'm jus waiting for the right time to confide in someone..as He permits...
this kinda thing..there's this old textbook style dating tip...it says tat one shldn't talk too much about his past ex when he's out with a date..
not exactly a date..but when i confide in a fren...i jus think the past would be too troubling for a friend to listen to...
if pple ask..then i'll talk about it...

newaes everyone has stories in their life...
wanted to talk to jimmy bout his volleyball thing but haven't got down to it..
so maybe i'll jus do it here..
through Grace i was jus blessed with a team with the right ingredients..whose average height of the players was about slightly above 170m.
that's already an advantage in itself..especially whenever it comes to basketball..
next we had really talented players...clarence was MIA throughout the dec training holiday..but he came back strong during the competition...
we had a player with great potential.mingloong who only started to play bball in sec sch...
we had a temasek player who played bball all his life...
a chinese high player who did tat too...
u put tat tog..work and train hard together..
even those whom didn't hav sec sch experience..they contributed their fair bit..
and best of all we were drawn into a group with relatively easy teams to get past...
so it's miraculously jus a snap of His fingers and everything went into place..
so my point is...
Jim might feel bad about his ability to bring glory to the sch vball team..
but a "right" team would seriously jus hav the "right" ingredients...
there exists a point when everyone will jus tell themselves.okie this's the best in wat i've done and given.i've exhausted means..and if this the result.i'll accept it...
yep... easier said than done..
everyone will hav one or two naggy issues inside tat will hit hard on their esteem..including me..
it's how we deal with it through His help..

i mean..we aren't supposed to judge..
but after studyin so long with the group of pple...
i've identified their unique character tat sets them apart.
hmm..where shall i start..
renfu's resilience which of course stems from his setback after Os.
Jimmy's discipline in sitting there doin his work and his faith in God
Yeow may's playfulness..err i don't noe if tat's a good or bad thing
Zhongyao's helpfulness.
notice why i put their names together..they're always fighting with each other..playful fighting..childish and unnnecessary bickering.i still can't figure out wat drives them everyday to fight.other than adrenaline of course..i can't even see myself enjoyin fighting with any gal all the time.it gets boring doesn't it.
wenlin's graciousness.though she's a devil hidden in angelic wings.jus look at how she played a part in the burnings.
ngee leng's erratic behaviour tat sets her apart from the rest
hien chuan's chilling lameness
dingwen's discipline in working hard to achieve his goals
shawn's optimism and his obsession with ronnie coleman
jiayi's burning optimism...
Izzu's humour in his one liners.
Gay's outta-this-world dance moves and his innate ability to act a drag.

yep it's jus nice things tat i wanted to write about since a long time ago...
like wat jim said i jus hope the bonds forged durin this period will cary on hopefully even when the guys go NS and the gals go to uni.
obviously some will fall away.
but i jus pray tat the nucleus will still stay..

Health

peace prosperity and health.shalom...
it mus hav been the stress in the second week..could feel the strain mentally and physically..
the hauntings came back again...
i guess it's jus stress...eats u..
and i'm half sick..
now i'm jus prayin for His blessings....
to make me get past my last one week and the half...
which's very impt for my bio and chem results..
last two subs left..
neways...s4s are ending tmr while some of my frens hav alr ended their As..
yes..it's very fast..jus 3 weeks..and it's over..
actually i already felt this tingling feeling on the day before the first paper commenced..
tat this journey of studyin will stop now...
and blah blah...it's goin to take me quite awhile writing about it..
and i need to sleep.
so yea..after As or smth..
while i was on the car..i jus thought of something.
maybe it's a revelation...
how we used to fight hard on the courts for tat four quarters..
the game hasn't ended till the final whistle blows...
same for this As..it ain't over till the last paper is over...
yep...remind me not to slack my remaining days..cos these are the most impt days left..my only few chances left to pull up my papers..

jus had econs today..realised tat i don't really like to talk about my chances..
newaes.econs is interesting..nice to study...
made me rethink about my decision to take sports science..
oh wells..
i'm at a crossroads actually...

no more carnage

hahah..yea since tat day when renfu ambushed two lizards..my conscience was prickin at me..seriously speakin..i don't get a kick out of killing la..yep..tat's the truth manx...
i mean..the lizards are immobilised..it's inhumane...
yea..even the normal sadistically inclined renfu felt his conscience pricking..so yea...
so the verdict. no more killings..let nature take its course..
and the lizard population shall hav its own regulator..probably the birds or smth..
His word spoke to me yet again during service...
i'm righteousness by faith...
the harder u try to seek something.the more it'll elude you...
let it go..enjoy in the grace and righteousness...and naturally the blessings will come...
yep...tat line struck a chord in me...
letting go...pple hav been advising me to...
it's not by wat i do.it's by wat Jesus did....
i've only been a Christian since a few months ago...
i still hav alot to learn to be more like Jesus..
some things...though u noe u're spposed to believe in..the heart jus refuses to let go...
yep..but i can say tat everyday..i'm jus goin to tell myself to jus believe..tat's my role as a believer of Christ...

newaes saw the hillsong piano chords book..from the album hope...costs 33 bucks..i almost wanted to buy it today..but i noe i shldn't..not now..cos i'm goin to get distracted and start learning immediately..even though there're much more impt things to get into my brain right now..like econs..
hahaha..
yea..so i decided to put off the purchase till next week...yea..
can't wait..
=)

post As?two more weeks

a week has passed..i'm left with two.while those s4s and three subbers hav it good..oh wells..
i make sure God's motivation will be in me till the very last paper.which's bio mcq...
can't afford to slack while those pple knock off on fri...
nvm..at least there are fmaths pple to study with..hahah..it sucks if wat's left is the only bio paper..though the fmaths pple end on monday..
hmms....
the papers tat are done..i think i shall jus get over them..
no point predicting my results....
i jus leave the total grace to Him...
mwhahaha...post As...i already hav a plan...stick by the piano and learn the songs thoroughly..my passion in piano is rekindled..but actually i've a reason for tat..
i think it's very powerful when u can play a song as it is originally produced by the artiste..sing along with it..and identify urself with the lyrics...
the clash of emotions.keys and words will resound in the concourse..oh so tat's where i think i'll perform..
anyways...i think i'm changing my runnin schedule aft As right in the morning...
burn off more fat..
newaes..these days it will take me quite awhile since i wake up to be hungry..so tat says somthing..i've excess fat.
run...help out with the year 1 bball team..practice piano..read.
yea tat's bout all..don't wan to fill my post As schedule with too many stuff..cos i noe the more stuff u fill it up with.the less things u are goin to get done.
oh yea i forgot to add in weight training which's a must...
oh wells..two more weeks of intense concentration..
God bless everyone.=)

thanks for your graciousness =)

follow by faith not by sight.

as expected.today's msg got to me..God's words spoke to me...
i jus find the timing real queer..
jus tat day i was tellin yunqi not to get affected..askin her if she's affected..
and now the same thing's happenin to me...
aft hearin jimmy's long winded story yest..my hunch was true...
it really eats into you..but that's jus the devil's work....
went to church today..the emotions were powerful..prayin in tongues....
jimmy let it out..i let it out too....
follow by faith not by sight...
tat's exactly wat i've to do...
cos i jus saw something i didn't really wan to see this morning..right smack at 930am..
like wat jim remarked the other day..this period of time..everyone needs someone to lean on..rely on..unfortunately she had to look to him for support...
disappointed..shattered...maybe...
but i noe it's done..it's finished..God works on us when we're resting...
it's only a few hours away from the most impt exam for this two years..and i had to hear this news...but it's okie...
Christ is in me to refute the devil's worries...
if i'm goin to worry..if i'm goin to think and think..i'm goin to jus ruin myself..
yea..instead..i jus wan to focus on the truth...

i snapped at zhong dog today..don't noe why..i was really in a fit of anger....
i almost wanted to walk back to sch and ask them to get dinner for me..
but i realise doin so would mean tat my emotions are defeated.i can't stand up to the devil's evil doings..
and so i went to terrace with the study gang.wasn't really a happy eating experience...
but yea..anything will do..

maybe this's when she'll be exposed to Christianity..and tat God will come into her life..maybe..i hope and pray for tat....

anyways...i think i noe who's the prankster on my blog alr...or so i suspect...
it can only be one or two idiots eh...
right now i can only think of one prankster who tagged those comments on my blog...

carnage

hmms..let me see..the study gang had a carnage today..we suddenly went sadistic..pyromaniacs..
u see it all started with a weak and dying beetle...
it couldn't move and it looked like it was dying...
newaes started wth shawn.he wanted to whack the beetle with the hockey stick..renfu protested but somehow the beetle became our flicking target...we put the beetle onto the hockey stick and flicked it.hurling it towards the wall..somehow the thud sounds jus made us more excited and enthusiastic abt it..renfu was the last straw..or shall i say the penultimate blow..he flicked the beetle up in the air and whacked it like a baseball player...aft that zhong dog came crashin into the almost dead beetle with two gargantun red bricks...smashed completely..not done yet.aft liftin up the brick..renfu used the hockey stick and kept on whackin at the remains..pure sick shit..
hmms.then in the late evening..there's this dead dragon fly..zhong dog destroyed it and used the fork to scrap the remains..pure sick...
then come the ants around the remains...zhong dog..once again..used the spray can and the lighter..blazing the ants in a scene tat was taken out of a war movie
war was ended..or so we thought..
then camea baby lizard and another beetle..
we let it off..used the cardboard to surround it..and we blazed them alive...
manx..it was sick..pure sadists at their best..
don't really noe why we did that..look at wat muggin does to our rational brains..
sighs...
then came another baby liz trapped in the locker...zhong dog blazed it..another victory...
newaes..the beetle blazing's caught on video in my phone..saved it in my sim card..memories of mugging..
all our victories were placed in this plastic transparent container...
sick shit...dead..motionless.hard...

hmms....
wat's next?

it's near

As is jus a few days ard..i don't noe whether to feel apprehensive relaxed or resigned to fate..
but one thing i know..i will and mus be confident..in God's presence definitely...
don't know why..but yea i'll jus leave everythin to Him...
can't wait for service this sunday...
newaes..i think it's mutual..i see him he see me..yea judge watever u wan...watever it is i jus hope u'll hav good intentions.yea.
whenever i feel down..i jus give thanks..
thank Him for His grace..his blessings..i never tght i would hav frens like this..gracious frens who can pick me up from the dumps..and i'm really grateful for that...
so whenever i see those who hav distanced away for watever their "justified" reasons are..
i don't really feel sad.i won't self sympathize..i thank God for my current group of frens.and hopefully strong bonds are forged throughout this whole period.
i was dead in the past.i almost went into a self pity state..
but since i got to receive Him..slowly the frens start surfacing around..
frens whom i wasn't close to..they got closer...
yep such graciousness.=)

newaes...
till then..

test