i don't look like a baller do i?

okies..to date..3 pple hav expressed surprise when i tell them i play basketball..
maybe it's jus stereotypical
basketballers mus look tall..mus hav tat cheena beng look..and mus be dressed like a bballer..
wait..how exactly do u dress and look like a bballer..
by wearin throwback jerseys?ball shorts..bball shoes?
tat was so passe manx..
i used to go out in town dressin like a bballer..u name it i wore it...
bball sleeveless..baggy baller shorts and bball shoes..
tat was in sec3 and 4..
but as i grew up i realise this has to go manx..
it's time to dress in proper civvies..
to hav tat grown up look...
i only dress in bball fashion on da court..when i'm balling..
out of it...it's a different ballin style all together...
yupps...perhaps i think it's my dressing tat betrays my passion for basketball..
my dressing tat doesn't hint a wee bit about my antics on court...

first person who expressed surprise is my tuition fren...
he exclaimed to me when he saw me takin the team prize durin the finals...
"oh you're the captain of ur sch team?"
u noe tat tone of disbelief borderin on mockery..
hahaha..he added tat it's hard to tell cos he has thisthing in his head tat bballers are tall pple...
yea HEIGHT.
second person Hairul.this 28year old guy whom i met durin the msia trip
he too asked the same thing
"alvin u play basketball ah?"
same tone of disbelief...
i answered him "why..i don't look like i play right?"
he replied "no la,...don't say until like that"
yeaaaaaaaaa
third person..someone from my caregroup whom i met yest
"alvin u play basketball?"
tat same tone of surprise and disbelief...
i'm still counting....

it's okie..as i grew i realise tat there shld be a different style on and off court in the dressing..
why do i need to tell pple tat i play basketball through my dressing?
yupps..so if u don't ask or u don't noe me..u won't noe tat i play basketball...
cos i simply don't look like me..
catch me when playin and u'll noe.
mwhahahha
countless times when i'm ballin at those neighbourhood courts..
youngsters will dress in their best..jerseys shoes shorts..
but can't get their basics right...
showy basketball i should say..all day long they spend time practising an allen iverson crossover cos it looks oh jus so cool...
when instead they shld jus work on their fundamentals and hone their dribbling skills in their weaker hand first..
yea i don't wan to be like that..

i want to dress good feel good and play the real thing.

i always lament that the four years of sec sch education really hampered my development as a player..
cos i strongly believe tat if i had a proper coach back then in sec1..
i would hav reached greater heights..perhaps literally but more configuratively
when u're young..ur mind is more like a blank slate..okie this sound psychologicallish
honing those skills will hav a longer effect on ur psychomotor neurosystem..
yepp..nuff said
i still believe so.
but it's okie...time and time again i would measure myself up to ronnie jonathan..
but i realise tat hey it's God given talent after all..
it's really a privilege to have those skills...to really enjoy the game at its best...

right now i really hav no goal as a bballer..
perhaps i'm back down at the recreational level..
but in future..if my joints permit and if chances are abound..
i might jus join a club and play for keeps..

ballin anyone?

even if u give me a naked model.i'll flee.

sighs.hav been agitated lately cos of the devil.makin use of this person to irritate me..
the same person i talked about a few entries back..
how can u be calm and sober when u initiated all those.
exactly this's wat the msg said
"are u sure u don't wan to hav anymore !mac or airport stayover before u go NS? or u've taken the vow of celibacy?"
next msg "it's okie..i've been feelin very calm these days already"

YEA FUCKIN RIGHT.
when u're calm and sober u don't initiate this..
pple used to say that men think with their dicks..
i'm sorry i don't belong to tat cat anymore...
in the past i was this person who din hav any moral and spiritual directions.
now i'm different.
SEXUAL IMMORALITY.FLEE.
pastor preached about this before in church.
i'm not hard up for sexual intimacy.
i'm not the kind of "cover the face and **** the base" person.
u give me a naked model now i won't do anything.
yea.i jus feel tat it's much more satisfyin when there's intimacy with ur rightful partner.
whether it's emotional or physical..
yesh..
i'm jus very pissed with tat..have to pardon me for my vulgarities..
but i really hav to let it all out here to show tat my directions now are very clear..
i've learnt to hold myself up with dignity.
AND A GAL WHO HOLDS HERSELF IN RESPECT WLDN'T SEEK SUCH STUFF.

i read this article in menshealth a few months back.the article was titled "things u should do to earn urself respect"
one of the points was "always refuse a slut"
when i read tat..i jus realised my mistakes immediately..
yeps..but thank God.such lessons are useful to me.

how not to see the devil's evil workins in a person when tat person
1.feels sian cos someone has accepted Christ?
come on.it's a great joy for anyone to accept Christ.lives will be changed completely.
and u're feelin sian cos someone has decided to let grace overflow in her life?
2.tries to tempt me with u-noe-wat-kinda-stuff-i'm-talkin-about?

i'm not desperate for love.not desperate for sex
i'm not lonely i'm not afraid.
all i need is good frens who provide tat emotional connection.
tat's wat i'm askin for.
perhaps tat's why i feel like it's hard to get excited these days..
i'm lookin for tat emotional connection above everything else.

talk talk talk.

i'm really sorry for my vulgarities.
i'm not condemning her.i really jus feel tat this person needs Christ.
pray for her.

P.E.A.C.E O.U.T.

i'm a different person thank you.i'm a reborn person in Christ.

some awful decisions led to my face appearin on -tat- blog...
but it's okie..i'm a changed person..i don't even recognise myself..
and i don't mean the physical features..

when u don't hav spiritual direction..u tend to make wrong decisions..u tend to make wrong choices in pple...ur discernment will seem blocked...
kkaes...

i don't noe why..yest late at night i was so pissed with my phone..
my phne has been giving me troubles since the first day i got it..
first it was the sound receptor tat was spoilt..i could hear pple talkin to me but they can't hear wat i say..
next it was the reception thingy..my phone will go without reception for the whole day..and obviously tat can't be attributed to no connection can it...
i don't noe manx..something got into me..
i took out the back cover of the phone and jus slammed it onto the floor...
talk about violent tendencies..
but after tat..i realise immediately..immediately..
tat it's so childish to vent anger on tat piece of scrap plastic..
i whacked it down..so?
something in me was jus sayin "don't do tat it's not necessary"
okies..i promise to behave this post Christmas...tune my anger management a lil..
and oh ya..my anger management hav been goin very well by God's grace..
and i realise tat it has a correlation with the amount of swearin u do..
i'm serious..swear words carry so much angst in them..probably bring ur brain to some agitated mood...
swear less...only swear when really necessary..
hhahaa tat should be my motto..

watched narnia with gay farmer and auntie yest...
i think narnia made me understand passion of the Christ better..
hahaha..cos tat day i suddenly jus whip the dvd into the player and started watching..
the effects of what Jesus did didn't register to me until i watched narnia yest..
does this mean i need a simpler description or anecdote to understand Jesus better? ahhaha

my days are numbered..and i'm not cursing myself about tat..
next sat i'm goin in....
everyday i've something on...busily happy..=)
i never expected this..i never planned for it too...
Grace.
nuff said =)))

look at wat un-studyin can do to u

post As..
alot of things hav happened...
suddenly the brain isn't used to little stimulation or activity..
it somewhat degenerates..leading to forgetfulness..carelessness..
my pri sch teacher told me a line tat has stuck with me since..
an idle mind is the devil's workshop
keep urself busy..even if u aren't busy..why let ur mind idle around and think of so many worryin stuff..
Let go and let God
i'm very sure the person whom i got this line from..will certainly have much faith in everything tat might seem to screw up in his life right now..health family frens.
yea..why spend our time worryin?
live in the moment (yea cliche)
but there's this verse in the bible...
Matt 6:25
"Therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.Is not life more imptortant than food, and the body more important than clothes?"
6:33
"But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

this was one of the first few verses i read when i started flipping open my bible.
i din know where to start..and there was this section at the back tellin the reader what to read if he's undergoin various problems..

i talked to jim bout some stuff regarding my past pissed sounding entry.
he said "don't worry"
and that was enough for the moment.
he said "believe me, faith"
tat done the job.
=)

dont worry about death..for which it's such a morbid thing.
.when it's time to go..u'll go..so why worry?
i used to worry i'll die from sudden death..yea not tat term used in soccer though...
so many cases of pple runnin and dyin suddenly..there and then...
sometimes when i run really hard..i jus hav this small fear inside..
wat if my heart suddenly stop beating..
hahaha...and it always happen to seemingly fit pple..
look at the footballer who died jus like this...
btw..tat was my thinkin in the past..

now i really don't care when i'll leave or watever...
as i jus said..why worry about ur death..it'll make us no less than the aged sitting in the homes with that weary fearful look tat reveal their worry in the remainin days.
but yea..i'm not against the aged...

why worry about ur frens?
sometimes pple jus need to learn it the relationship way..
i learnt it the relationship way..
worryin about them. tryin to do something on ur own.will jus defeat the purpose of no self effort isn't it..i'm sure my bro who's readin this can understand.

talkin bout relationships..
i was very happy last night..
i don't noe why i was really high..
when i talked to sheena..she told me she's with ben..she msged me first
being frens is really more tat wat i can ask for eh...
i'm so happy cos she accepted Christ..and her life's already very different.very dynamic..
she's with ben..so what? i really feel happy for her..
though this morning when i woke up i had this thought "oh manx she's with him already ah"
betrays everything..
but but but...i jus feel happy for her..
in fact..something inside me is tellin me tat i shld jus close this chapter..
and prob jus move on..
i can jus engage in wilful chatter with her..really to tat frens level already..
jus came like the flow..
close closing closed???

slowly..those times when i placed my right hand on my heart.in fact everytime durin service when the pastor's prayin for everyone...
i'm already healed..and the healing process's movin quite well.
=)))
He's ever so faithful to me eh.

mwhahah jus typin bout this make me feel happy...
cos the initial part of my entry was kinda dim...
oh wells...

someone's comin back today!!!
ahahaha..

Fort Minor

mwhaha jus d/l the whole album of mike shinoda's solo album fort minor..
sheesh so much for supporting original...
luckily i din get the album..was so tempted to get it..
not all the tracks are very nice..but nonetheless...some tracks are real good..
hahaha...in case if pple are wonderin..mike shinoda's a member of Linkin park..
he isn't the lead singer..but he can hold his own in the hip hop scene...

okies...
all i did was to read ur blog..and offered a lil advice..preached a lil on Christianity..
if it doesn't go down well with u..and atheists out there..it's okie..
God isn't hard up..He's a perfect respecter of personal choice..
pastor preached on a matter..
this old man was dyin of a cancer..and Jesus appeared to him..offerin to save his life...
the old man declined because he thought tat he deserved tat illness cos of his wrongdoings in the past..
uh huh there's condemnation on the old man's part..
Jesus looked sad because He got turned away..when help for the old man was jus a second away..
few days later..the old man passed away..
by the way this's a real account from one of the church leaders..but the identity was kept hush..

it goes like this...if u prefer to believe in urself..the one and only self..
jus continue being like tat...
i alr did wat i could..tellin u about Jesus...
i noe the Gospel can't be forced onto pple..
tat's why i'm jus keepin chill about it..

prayin for my enemies...and tellin myself not to condemn others..
i'm constantly tryin to tell myself tat..
i told her Sheena received Christ and prayers were answered..
her reply was "oh wow that's something great uh..u're one step closer to gettin back tog with her"
something along tat line..i rem very clearly "oh wow" "one step closer" "getting back tog"

oh please...
my mind's already off tat matter..
i'm not even thinkin of getting back..
i'm tryin to move on...
no point seekin it so desperately..wat for? for affection?
useless eh..
it's been amazin how i don't seem to feel lonely after i accepted Christ..
yes bored at home with nothing to do..
but i never felt desperate for affection from anyone after i haVE Jesus..
my holidays are somewhat very fulfillin in this one month..
i've great frens...
i'm very thankful for tat...

i told her how i've found my direction in life after bein a Christian...
tellin her tat i'm swearin very little nowadays..less carnal desires...stuff like tat..
she exclaimed "u're sounding like a monk.sighs"
exact quotation there...right from the message..

how not to get angry over tat?
i was contantly prayin to really chill...
i alr said i don't wan to see others in a bad light..
but somehow this kinda thing jus make me trip a lil...
nonetheless..i jus hope i'm gettin better at it by God's grace...

phew...a load off my mind...
keep calm peace out.
love ur enemies.pray for them..there's greater reward in tat.
God's a perfect respecter of personal choice..He isn't hard up.

it's time to read ahha

oh manx..i jus had a dream.obviously there mus be some kinda dream ehs.after sleepin so long from 3 plus to 2pm...
i dreamt tat i was sitting for some english oral...
and the invigilator commented on my somewhat rusty command of english...
and i told her i haven't been readin the papers since a long time ago...

ahhaha so weird..
i was jus talkin to jimmy the night before about newspapers and how we hav both fall off on the daily reading...
kaes i can't even call it daily..yea..

jeez..i kinda hate wakin up at 2pm..
i feel so lethargic..ahahaha...not tired though..
maybe i shall jus hit the gym later...
poor underworked arms...
=)

without Christ there's no Christmas

phee..got alot alot of things to get off my head and heart...
arghs..
where shld i start...
alrights.Christmas's definitely taken on a whole new different meanin for me this year..
Christmas's not all bout exchanging prezzies and feelin jolly...
it's about the birth of Jesus who will later be Man's saviour...
wonderful great news...
service today at the indoor stadium was great..
jus singin the carols make my tear ducts sensitive..especially when u think about how Grace has touched ur life..
there is therefore no more condemnation now in those who have accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord and Saviour.
i got a revelation today...do not condemn urself...at the same time.never condemn others...
it's such a simple statement.but a powerful one at tat..
one that can change everything...
i'm so glad i'm not condemned...
and neither should i condemn others...
it's a simple thing tat alot of pple can't seem to get...
jus hangin out with the pple outside indochine on Christmas morning..
i alr gathered so much negative vibes about pple..
why the negative vibes? i don't think there's any satisfaction in sayin smth bad about someone..it raises ur bld pressure.makes u agitated...how can there be any pleasure?
love ur enemies.pray for them.there is greater reward in tat...
i watched Passion of the Christ a few days ago..
the dvd quality sucks..cldn't really see..maybe the effects of His beatings at the cross didn't register to me tat greatly when i was watchin the show..but i was constantly telling myself how things hav changed totally after i became a Christian.
no more condemnation..i told her to try goin to church.she kept dwellin on the past.
i jus felt the prompting and jus tagged...
i've been prayin for my frens..my "enemies" too
and i believe they will be answered..recently..one of my prayers were alr answered =))
thank God.

oh ya before i forget..i wan to give a big shoutout to all my frens..
thanks for ur wonderful gifts for Christmas.
being a VS guy.i don't expect anything..and i'm not really a gift person.i'll only give when i hav the thought.yea manx...
nonetheless i got caught up in the jolly good season of giving...
thanks renfu for tat jars of clay album.i haven't listened to it yet. but u shldn't hav manx.fellow VS guy
thanks HC and rach for the leather straps.suddenly i look like a Sly wannabe with those straps..
hahaha u mean i look like a rocker wannabe mea?
i rather i hav tat hip hop culture in dressing...
big chains..heavy stuff...mwhahaha
thanks both adelines.adeline 1 for the cooly bling ear studs
adeline 2 for the footprints bookmark..
somehow i think i've this affinity for the footprints message.
right at the beginning.Shee gave me the footprints card..
wait...hahaha i'm still waiting to receive ..=)))))

so many things in my mind i would like to say...
and talkin to pple is much better than typin into a blog..

more human communication please.
do away with the googlebox.squarebox.xbox.spongebox watever
jus twitch our ears to listen.and move our mouths to talk.
=)))))

how great thy nature

jus back from malaysia.am happy with my darker state.not in the state of the mind but by the colour of my skin.
wanted to catch more sun though..but trekkin through rivers and under the canopy doesn't warrant alot of time under the sun.
oh wells..i enjoyed myself.was reminded of my mt ophir trip.did everything by the river.
it was seriously a back to basics trip for the first day.
sat by the rocks on the river.in pitch black..getting accustomed to the dark...
reflecting..thinkin..the dark is so beautiful..like wat renfu said.he appreciates nature best in the dark.same sentiments exactly..
the dark is so tranquil.i looked up at the trees with their leaves rustlin with the wind.in tandem with the rhythm of the river flow..
the squishing sounds of water knockin against rock.fluid finding another way to overcome that rock and eventually finds a way to flow..
how great thy nature is in darkness
i wonder why pple don't sleep in the dark..are scared of the dark..or hav a phobia of the dark.lol=))tat person who's readin it now..yes u.hahahha

newaes there's this guide tat took us through the trek.he's a canadian who has fought countless wars as a paratrooper..fought in somalia..and his muscles are real sinewy.
tall lean frame with defined muscles.phoah..i bet he has seen so many wars..marc kept callin him a psycho..cos he was tryin to implement his own discipline of martial arts to us..
oh wells..and there's a way tat foreigners say fuck tat make it sound so natural..sounds cool even..
to use that f word locally will entail a great amount of labelling
not tat my cussin habit has come back..maybe i'm jus tryin to cuss in a more refined way.yea right wat an oxymoron.

the next day was spent navigating through the rapids in jus a circular rubber float...
it's definitely fun.element of surprise and danger comes with the new rapid.
unfortunately my good bud capsized and got dragged by the rapids for a seemingly long time.
thank God i din suffer much bruises around my back..or any cuts..=))

oh yea.something to add about the river trek on day 1.nic marc n me went to try slidin down the rapid..it takes alot of strength and good technique to swim against the strong currents..i'm not really a good swimmer i can vouch for tat..
newaes first time i slid down.i slipped cos i din hold on to the rope before lowerin myself down into the water..
so others slid down in a forward manner..i slipped and slid down backwards..
oh manx..once u slide down.it seems like eternity before u ever resurface..
and i got hydrated straight away after drinkin so much water after tat slip
greeaaat..
newaes fun experience knowin new pple...learnin new lessons...
and i'm actually attracted to such a travellin lifestyle..
oh wells...i shall see about tat..
but definitely i noe i'm goin to travel with those new frens i made..=))))
thank God for such new frens with their wealth of experiences..

i'm back in singapore..withdrawal symptoms are still ard..jus a lil bit..
though i can still msg..but yea..don't noe..
jus received a card from weinz...
i was always glitter phobic..but somehow aft i saw tat card..hmms..phobia was gone..
mwhahhaha...

talkin bout Christmas pressies...
arghs..wat a headache..
i'm goin down to bras basah tmr to get styrofoam..
hmms...
i guess i jus go with the Spirit and the flow...
i'm jus goin to put in effort in tat single gift...
it's always the thought tat counts...
if u hav tat thought to make tat prezzie for someone..shld jus obey tat thought and press on with it.
=)))
i don't really noe how to cut styrofoam though.

anyways God answered my prayers last sunday.something tat i've been prayin for since i accepted Christ.
it's so amazing how God ways are..
last sunday i was sppsed to go for third service.then adeline told me tat she can't make it..and i din really wan to rush for third cos i was balling with my frens..so i decided to go for fourth instead...
and tat very decision jus led to big decisions for some pple on tat very day..decisions tat might not have been made if i was present for third..
praise the Lord.

incoherent ranting. like tat shrink =)))

oh wells. jus kinda down today. not really down.but jus gloomy.


newaes.pride and prejudice's a nice show.love stories always make me believe in such a thing called love again.
but i think the show depicts an inappropriate picture of love..
a lady and a male..with hardly any interaction..tellin each other that they love each other..
too naive and old fashioned in a way..
i don't think tat kinda love exists nowadays.

was talkin to dw on the way back.maybe the way he says it jus resounds the loudest inside.
"this kinda thing gotta move on"

forgot to talk bout meeting javin yest in sch..it was jus a random meeting since he was in sch to run..while i was in sch helpin out..
we jus talked and went bugis tog..
can sense his loyalty and his friendly disposition.
thank God for tat deeper friendship i hav with him..or rather..a step better than last time..
after the things he went through..i guess he and i realised wat's the meanin of true frens.

so now i'm sitting alone at hm.wonderin if i shld send tat msg.

taipei =)

jus came back from a hol a few days ago..
it's always nice to hav tat holiday feelin...tat feelin of resting..
initially for the first two days or so...i kept on thinkin bout stuff..thinkin on the flight..thinkin on the coach...and it din help tat i fell sick on the day before i left..
newaes..yea so it was..i was actually lookin back to returnin to singapore..checkin my phne..and rushin to see a doc..
but somehow by wed..there's this revelation..to jus relax..rest and cherish this chance..in fact i was prayin for tat to happen and not to think too much..
wed and thurs onwards i was tellin myself to cherish the holiday...
cos there were only a few days left..
so i did..but it was quite dissatisfyin in the sense tat..
no one bothered to interact with one another..
it's more like each for his own group..
so sad..everyone was to blame for this..
even i was guilty..wanted to make frens with this person..
but i kept on hesitating and hesitating..
okies.there's this gal in the tour who apparently looked older than me..
but somehow we found out that she's j1..
i'm still quiteamused by the fact tat i've such a childlike face..darns..
newaes..the fact tat she's j1 explains everything..
from her teh voice to the thing she talk about to her parents..
oh wells...
my infamous *roll eyes*
yupp..few days back in singapore..acclimatizing to the humid weather..
singapore's boring.we wear the same kinda summer wear the whole year...
i see taiwanese gals wearing boots..guys wearin blazers which's the norm..
in singapore when u wear tat..it's called flashy..too formal..
tsk tsk..
see boring..
nothing can beat the style in wearin a simple shirt jeans and blazer..
will i hav tat chance to put on tat prom blazer again?i really don't noe.shld hav brought it along to taiwan anyway..
the hotels we stayed in weren't tat good..3 very good hotels..3 very lousy hotels..
cramped up and stuff..
and we were rushin through the destinations...
the tour guide wasn't tat warm anyway..
looks like he can only converse with adults..
and the thing is tat he says all his jokes in canto..
come on..canto..
i even had problems tryin to decipher the chinese language tat he was speakin all the time..
yupp..
it's dissatisfyin in tat way,,,
but i'm jus thankful for God for this opportunity to see the world in another country..their culture..though i thought the cultural destinations were super boring..
and thankful tat i can enjoy this holiday with my whole family..
the last time was in sec2 manx..
yupp..
so in short..thankful=)

actually the highlight was the shopping..
but i din buy much..cos it's so hard to find a nice pair of earrings there..
i only saw one nice pair at the end of the trip...
i only got a pair of shoes for myself..
din wan to spend so much...wait my sis kp me again..

and cold weather certainly rocks...

newaes...after getting to noe God..ijus trust tat things will go right..
i mean..goin on a tour with my family..
they're so nicky picky about things..so worried bout things..
but i jus leave everything to God..
jus laid back..
my mum didn't take the taiwan cuisine too well down her stomach..cos it's too porky..too cold..not nice...
it's only when the food resembled more like singaporean cuisine..tat she enjoyed it better..
i don't noe..i jus find her a lil weak willed...
she seems tired after these years..
even though she's only 50 i think...
as in..i really don't noe...i think my dad was spoiling her durin the trip also..
wanting to carry every stuff...
i mean..
yea weak willed..i'm afraid..
it's dangerous if any illness shld occur..
of course i'm not cursing...it's jus my observation..
yea maybe the years hav caught up with her..
newaes the weather wasn't tat very cold..
as in..u won't die from hypothermia from tat weathe.r.i was nursing a cold at tat time summmore..
i jus kept prayin for His strength..
yupp..a different God-based life...

newaes..
i jus realised tat i can't type out my inner most feelins here..
wouldn't wan to upset any "balance"
if there's even one in the first place..
i jus hope u'll be happy..and it won't be a rushed decision..as much as i don't feel something's right..i don't want you to get hurt again.

taipei =)

group dynamics

haha sat there and thought hard bout a title..
newaes..yea prom got everyone dressed up.whether it's a stunning dress or a smart suit..or for some..some serious deadly goth..
hahaha..don't even noe wat came into my mind for the goth..but was seriously relieved when bowei had the same idea..the same hair even..and the same black nails...
clarence could also pose it off with his punkish hairstyle which resembled good charlotte..
it seems nice to get back tog and take a team picture even durin prom...
anyhows..the team will always leave this bittersweet taste in my mouth...

why this title? oh wells..group dynamics..
it's all about tolerance..all about giving and taking..all about accomodating...
all about interacting in a group...
i don't really wan to talk about hc..but i think jimmy gets my idea...
hahah...newaes..i've three things lining up at 5..and i chose tat option which didn't involve God.
campus at 5.auntie adeline asked me for fcbc at 5 too..i've long been wanting to go fcbc to check it out..arghs..and squash with the peeps...
i don't noe manx.i don't noe if feelin guilty's a right thing to feel now..
i'm suppose to put God above everything else manx..and jim jus msged to say tat it's the last campus meeting of the year..i'm at a T road...
before i replied my messages i was prayin and askin for His direction.tat no matter which option i choose.His grace will still be with me...

oh wells..
talkin about grace..His faithfulness was once again shown at ritz carlton..
i had too much to drink..got a lil tipsy..
was fighting for position for the bed with those two rascals..i slipped and tried to get a hold on something..instead i pushed the lamp towards the wall to balance myself..and i didn't noe tat such a slight force could seriously cause two big cracks on the fragile porcelain vase...
i seriously think tat the lamp is fragile and has nothing to do with tat strength..
at first this sense of fear creeped up to me..
and i went to lie down tog with renfu and i kept praying for His grace...
even in the morning when the check out time was near..i kept prayin...
but in the morning there was seriously no fear already..i was already prepared to pay the full cost..and besides in my heart i was already believing tat everything was being paid for on the cross..so there's nothing to worry..
true enough..the six star hotel service was at its best..and not a single cent has to be paid for the damage incurred...
thank God..
jus nice..those accounts of Pastor Lian's experiences jus resounded with tat experience at ritz...

clubbing..wat an edgy topic..
it was my second time yest..first time for some...
there's always this tendency to get self conscious....
but i guess i got used to it...
it's the only time when u can dance and don't get criticized for watever u're dancing for...
i went in there tellin myself to jus hav fun and dance around..
even while dancing halfway..this thought crept up into my mind.
heys so this's it..prom post prom..post As..
while dancin i was jus thinkin bout next year when i get back my results..
everyone will also get back theirs too..
and the results will be under scrutiny...
jus felt tat should jus let our hair down and jus enjoy this time now before the results come back..
oh wells..
felt good to hav imran around..fazli around to monkey with..
jus lookin at them dance..they jus got into the groove...
yupp...don't be self conscious.be less inhibited but never step past the line of being risque.