in da club

i miss the music in the clubbing...
i miss the music in the clubbing..
i miss the music in the clubbing...
i need to loosen myself up a lil...
the past few weeks of intense activity inside hav stiffen me up a lil..
i jus wan to let my lil hair loose...and maybe jus groove to some music or smth..
i think i need "stress" relief...
i also don't noe where the stress comes from..
i think it's the rushing..
not tat i'm complaining...
but when i'm out of camp...i jus feel a need to relief some "stress"
like doin something out of the ordinary..or smth different from my routine barbed up life for 5days of the week...
like stayin out at night..not sleepin...
it's half past midnight...but i feel weird not being out on the streets...
even my parents asked me if i was goin out after the wedding dinner i had jus now...
sighs..drinkin buddy or buddies anyone?
i don't drink to drown any sorrows..
i drink only when opportunities arise...
like at the weddin dinner i requested for beer..and gulped it like wat marc told me durin the last time we went clubbing..
he said "gulp the beer down..u'll feel a nice feelin in ur throat"
true enuff..i taught i din like beer..till he told me how to drink it..
and i think i've an acquired taste for it now..

hmms..
sometimes it still hurts inside...
but i trust God to show me the way out...

wed's looming..

results out at 2pm this wed...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......
i guess it's jus natural to feel a mix of emotions..apprehension but at the same time a slight feelin of helplessness...
but isn't it jus great to jus leave it in God's hands??

jus attended my -pretty- cousin's church wedding this morning...
yea..she resembles angelina jolie manx..no kidding..
but sighs..she's taken and too old..hahaha..
it's actually my first wedding tat i attended in my whole life actually...
perhaps it's something significant..first wedding i attended at 19 years of age..
i skipped my another cousin's wedding in j1 cos of a reason...bball training..
yea i still can't believe it..i skipped the wedding because of training...
now i finally realise how much of my life i've given to bball training..
but then again..bball is my life....
jus happened to blog hopped and i read mr chew's blog to jus find out how he's doing...
jus so happened to read about the reason behind his passion for volleyball..
ties in with the passion thingy altogether...

two more weeks left to passin out of bmt..before i'm posted to God knows where...
watever it is..i noe tat God will not let me do the things tat i don't want to...
yepp...
this9 weeks hav been a very quick one...still rem the inital 2-3 weeks..everyone was wonderin when bmt was goin to end..and there u hav it..two more weeks and i'll be marchin out of the parade square..from a rec to a private...
still at the lowest rungs of the rank ladder...
and i guess passing out of bmt is jus the beginning of my army life...
i;ve finally understood why my commanders kept on sayin tat bmt will always be a memorable one...
cos bmt is BMT...
it's the same common experience tat everyone goes through..
after bmt..some get downgraded..some go OCS..some be specialists..
bmt is jus like a single road leading to a junction whereby pple start goin off with their own ways..
hopefully i would be able to keep in touch with my section mates...
my very first human interaction in army..
come to think of it..i'm thankful to God tat he placed me in a section whereby i don't really noe anyone right from the start..no sch mates..so study group frens.no pri sch frens...
12 pple..one went out of course...11 left..
excluding me...i tink i've gained 10 different colours in my life in these 9 weeks...
colours in terms of character and interaction.=)

blogger's block.
yet again.

where're the updates?

sighs..one week...
blogs hav been dormant...
civilian ones i mean...
even the army guys' blogs are active..
hmms..maybe pple are too busy working..that all they wan to do at the end of the day is jus to slump in their sofa...bathe and sleep....
hmms....so different..maybe i would like to jus live a gal's life for a day..any day now...how workin life is..how tired they feel...
yea..
cos it's really two different worlds...
guys and gals i mean..
mud sand sweat....
army life.....which gal will ever understand except those who sign on??

i'm so convinced in being a soldier tat i even thought of signing on..
but but...
let me get my posting first..and see how life goes...
i noe God's tellin me to be patient and jus wait..
tat's why i hesitated and din sign up for the navy selection board..
maybe i'm not ready yet..
or maybe i'm directionless for now..

results out this wed....
hmms...

incoherent thoughts here..shagged brains and legs after a 16km route march..
i feel like goin for a manicure...a facial...and watnot..
maybe even pluckin my eyebrows...
but definitely not a wax...my hair's too scarce..tat's why it's freakin precious..

where do i start again????

remnants

remnants...
i'm reborn in Christ..
sometimes i'm jus reminded of this feelin inside..
like when i went back to sch on fri...walked ard in sch..
talked to my bball teacher about the team...
the year1s got the year book..and i took an extra copy from the hocker area...
hocker area tat's called so endearingly..
flipped around the cca pages..
the bball team..looked at myself..still with hair and tat monkey smile..
flipped to netball team and saw her...
everything jus rushed back..
every single feelin u can tink of...every single emotion..
good or bad...guilt or joy....
but life got to move on..
she's alr happy with her relationship..wat more can u ask for..
yepps...18th feb..today's her bdae..
i noe she's havin a great time celebrating with her frens and boyfren..
and i've moved on..away from their circle...moved to my new circle since then..
oh wells....sometimes i do wish feelings can be locked up..or bombed away with a C-4..
but it's okie..
i'm peacing out...

when i went back to sch..i jus cldn't recapture the feelin of me wearin the uniform...
i really don't noe..army life has really accelerated my growth...tat i can't even imagine myself being kiddy and wearin tat uniform anymore..
it's weird isn't it..
i walked along the comp lab on the second floor..past the lib to the science n tech centre on the second floor..the place where we guys playfully blasted a beetle...
i stood there and paused for a moment..
tried to recapture myself walkin up n down those stairs in the beigy uniform..
i cldn't reapture it tat strongly..
maybe because i'm so used to green now..
i don't noe..the new season of army life jus came quickly..as in a new wave jus comes and covers the old wave of vj life..
i don't noe manx..
and then i was thinkin..maybe the gals will feel the feelin more strongly..
aft all they're still leading civilian lives...
so the change isn't tat great..
unlike the guys..from studyin straight to bullshitting cocktalking vlugarities spewing..
this's my personal opinion of course..
army makes u grow up.makes me miss my mum more..my dad..my sis...
yea manx...
not like i'm being brainwashed..
wait till the gals are in my shoes..they will noe..
they will miss the aircon..the clean environment...everything..
jus like we guys do..

jus watched jarhead..it is an atypical show..not much fighting action..which i really expected..
it's about soldiers winnin a war without any fighting..
training up for a war..waiting for days in the desert..and the war's over even before they noe it...
sorta anti climax...but it tickles ur brains...
training for a war tat u never really fight in it..
hmms...

stalemate
i don't really noe wat happened..
a week out at field...a week of civilian life..
some things have changed manx..
i don't noe..

had CG today..
told myself tat i will put God above everything else...
even if it means havin to miss mahjong..
shared with my care group members...
about their amazing real life stories tat happened during the week..
these amazing stories jus hit me hard...how nice it is to experience such wonderful things by jus believing..
while i was listenin to their sharing..a thought jus hit me..
how can my frens who are non believers not experience these good stuff tat we believers are goin thru?
i dont noe.
alot of pple have this mis conception tat Christians have this "goal" of evangelizing..
the more pple the merrier..the more souls saved the better...
for me when i tell pple about Christ...
it's not because of wat personal goals i have to achieve...
it's plainly jus tat i wan my frens to experience the joys of having Christ in ur life...
yes..some of my frens are so happy with their lives...even without believing in anything..
but i believe tat when they start believing..their lives will jus be different..happier than their happy state tat they are in now...

hmms..
i have alot of "i don't noe" in my entries today i realised..
cos alot of things i really don't noe..but i wish to noe...
oh wells....
results..postings..and something else.
wait rest and grow through establishing in His grace.
Amen.
=)

back home back home

back home back home.
i jus realise God's grace is far reACHIN in so many many many ways...
=)
i had an early bookout..hahaha...
while sam's company can only book out on sat..and they will be confined next week for a test...
thank God manx...=)))
11 am on a fri seems so quiet..when everyone will most prob be studyin in sch or smth..
i'm goin back to sch later...prob go see my bball teacher...
make good use of this early bookout and visit sch..hahahha...
field camp came by and passed in a week..the time passed quickly i guess..
i wasn't really counting down the days...
the day jus passed like it is...
it wasn't tat tiring at all...except for the whackin caused by irresponsible shitters..
sighs..
i jus realise even dogs cover their own shit holes...why can't civilised man of the highest order in the so called food chain do so???
newaes..i was prayin.hopin to be platoon ic..and He made me the company ic instead for the last day..
how great He is eh..
"ask and u shall be given..seek and u'll find..knock and doors will be opened"
something like tat..i can't rem which verse it is in the bible alr...
newaes..jus when i took over..then got the shitting prob...
and there's another matter tat i jus realise about His perfect love...
tat day when we kena whacked in the hot sun for the shitting matter...
i was in pushup position with my hands on the small stones while the rest were in their position on the grass...
i was tired after doin pushups in the hot sun..i jus gave a cry under my breath..trusted Him..
and truly enough..my sect com came over and asked me to shift over to the grass patch instead of being in pushup position on the stones...
phoah..i din realise tat until a day after the incident...
though i was still tired..but shifting ur hands from the stones to grass patch was definitely a huge difference...
praise God.
newaes..in a flash a month has passed..week in week out..book in book out..push in push out..run here run there.pull up pull down.clean left clean right.
so fast manx...
everything i'll jus leave it to Him..
my results..my army posting...
i jus wan to believe in me myself resting and not depending on my self effort..
"i am weak.but He is strong"
this's damn weird...
oh ya i rem!
don't noe which day in camp..i think before my field camp started..
i receive this msg from this unknown number..i replied askin who it was but i din receive any reply...
as in the msg was a Christian related wan...
yupp...
"i am weak but He is strong"
this line was in the msg..
as in suddenly..at night when i switch on my phone..then this msg came out of the blue..i don't even noe who sent it...
mwhaha even God has messengers ard..=)



titled: how to identify someone who jus returned from field camp.
1.when he orders a mudcake from NYDC and complains tat the mud in the cake isn't enough.
2.when durin a heavy downpour in orchard rd he jus steps on big puddles of water without giving a hoot about his wet shoes.
3.when his mother shouts at him for diggin a hole in the backyard to do his big business. when there is a -proper- toilet in the house.
4.when he decides to jus pour powder over his body instead of bathing due to plain laziness.
5.when he packs and unpacks packs and unpacks his civilian bag for no rhyme nor reason.
6.when he looks into the mirror and gets a shock because he isn't used to his face being clean from green and black cream.

hmms..these are the points i thought of bloggin while i had my free time..
oh wells....

i lazy to blog alr...
be back later with a poem.
=)

here it goes

in the dead silence of the night
peering at the star littered sky through the canopy of leaves
i'll be missing you.
=)