you're beautiful

hmms...my weekly updates....
something that i really want to get off my chest is...
hmms..my beautiful encounter last night..
hahaha..i was in the lift on its way to the first floor...i was listening to hillsong's angels song..was singing it in the lift...
and when i've reached ground floor..the door slided opened...
i was just about to take my first step out of the door..with my eyes casted towards the ground..when i looked up and saw this wait-how-am-i-going-to-describe- beauty.
okies...she had this cherubic face..the first word that came into my mind when i tried to think of a word to describe her..and for ur info this word was thought of just last night when i walked away from the lift..
anw.back to the encounter..
i stepped out.looked up..and saw her...
i fixed my gaze on her eyes for a whole 3 seconds..
and 3 seconds is a very long time..
when u read one thousand two thousand three thousand..that's 3 seconds..and i think that's the longest i've ever looked into the eyes of a stranger..
seriously the longest..i also can't believe or fathom why i din glance away...
my legs din go jelly...but i din really wan to take another step until my common sense came knocking on my head asking me to just walk away..
in case anyone's wondering...i think this's a incident worth mentioning..cos cos..i've never looked at a stranger for so long before...never...
jus recalling this encounter made my hair stand...and no she's definitely not a ghost or something..
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
James Blunt-you're beautiful

dormancy...my blog isn't..my hormones aren't..

just had my field camp..many lessons learnt..
i thank God for showing my section the way to the checkpoint..
cos i was praying profusely..
i was tired..mentally..cos of the mental stress that the point man or rather basher has to go through..
vision's totally in the dark..and torches are the only light around..
left right ahead..thick vegetation blocks the way..where would u go?
u only have this parang with u..one that bends when u cut a thick branch way too hard...

when you're carrying the signal set and running together with the section on a casavec exercise..even though u're the observer..
at one point i jus let my section mate push me along..
for 4 sec...

i thank God for the strength that He has given me throughout the whole field camp..though i was uber tired..it's Him who sustains me..
i could have given that totally-shagged-out-face-that-shows-that-people-owe-you-a-living-, which was so present in many faces that i saw..to the point that it depresses me a lil...
but i believe that in my tiredness..my face din show it and i know it's God.

talking about this matter...
when u're tired..u shouldn't show it...cos the enemy will know it..
that's what i've learnt in basketball..
when u're tired..u don't bend down and pant..cos that will show the enemy that u're already down with fatigue...
that's what i've learnt in running..
when u're tired..u don't take the easy way out and take short pants..cos that will make alot of noise and it'll tell the enemy that u're tired..and ur enemy will jus use ur loud and heavy breathing as a means of motivation to push him faster...
when u're tired..u don't put on a face like the whole world owes u a living..i think i really can't stand that...i shall add that as my no2 pet peeves..
up to a point where the section integrity isn't there..
when one's tired..he puts on a face like the whole world owes him a living...
it gets contagious..and it spreads to the next person..
how disheartening and discouraging that can be..
i think i should just be patient..

anyways..i really don't know why i had that bout of reminiscing on sat night..
while i was indulging in a plate of char kuay teow with my sis and dad and jackson kopitiam..
my mind drifted off to the char kuay teow stall at hougang ave 3..
oh wells...

Wisdom.

i thank God for being able to attend campus yesterday.
i thank God for being able to attend service today.
i thank God for the simple time i spent with my dad and my mum this weekend.
i thank God for the time i had with the care group members, although i feel quite the oldest there, but that's another matter that i shall touch on the next time, when time permits
i thank God for my successful SMU application.
i thank God for NTU too, but SMU's still my first choice.
i thank God for my A results.
i thank God for me being a new creation.
and the list goes on...
if u are reading this, just add in a prayer for me..
i'm feelin a lil dry..don't noe why..though i've started to read the bible nowadays..

sometimes when everything's working so fine for u..u tend to take God for granted..
i don't want that to happen...
actually now i'm just resting..be still and just wait for His glory to manifest in my life..in OCS especially..
yes be still and rest..that's what i'm doing...
learn to drink from the river of life for myself first. before others can drink from me..

HUMILITY please.

after reading renfu's blog...
realised that his problem is also mine for the initial few weeks...
for the three weeks..i was kinda spiritually dry....i'm sure jimmy's on the opposite cos his wing has fellowship..so nice manx...
while for the first three weeks..i was exposed to so much "i'm goin to do it on my own" stuff from pple ard me.....
made me down for awhile..till i attended service for the first time since three weeks last week...
the overflow was so strong...i cldn't help but to let my tear ducts flow too....
i mean..three whole long freakin weeks without that church atmosphere in camp...
when i went ncc last week..i was overwhelmed to say the least...doesn't help when i'm standin jus next to sheena...
i guess it's God's will that smu had to call me durin worship..so that i can stand to the side and return the call...let me calm myself down first...
otherwise...i think tears would have filled buckets...

yes...i think i can understand why renfu din really do his qt for the initial few weeks..
i don't noe..as i've said..ocs is like an environment for "self effort"..spiritual intelligently speaking..the loser tries to pull u further away from God..
but Amen He drew near to me since i attended service...
the foreign speaker was saying..write out any line in Paul the Apostle's books that has the words "in Christ" "In Him" and "In whom"
meditate on that...
true enough...i did a lil qt on tat..and it helped tremendously in everything anything..
so yea..renfu hope u're reading this..lol..
u needn't do more qt to make u more Godly
u needn't pray for hours to make you more Godly
Godly as pastor prince preached..isn't by what u do..is by what Christ is in you...
so jus flow with the Spirit.. and u'll noe when to throw in prayers..when to flip open the bible and jus start doin qt..
instead of reminding urself to do this and that...then it'll start becoming works and tends towards "self effort".

yep...hence i'll pray for renfu and for myself..to keep the oil flowing in us..to always be spiritually filled with His wholeness.Amen.=)

anyways..yesterday i was quite pissed off by my friend..
he msged me tellin me about his improvements in 2.4km
then he said his sect instruct goin to sabo him to cwc..tat's okie with me..
then he said this line "i know my pc believes in me"
throughout this..i was so close to pressing that shortcut on my keyboard that leads to the rolling eyes emoticon..
then he said he can't get best pt alr..aiming for best knowledge..
i'm like,
"okie..it's good to be ambitious..it's good to aim for SOH or SOM..or whatever goals u place for urself..but it's goin to tend towards self effort again..for those without God.."
what i'm sayin is...
i mus aim for this i must aim for that..i mus do this i mus do that...
sighs....relying on man's works..which's so small and insignificant..

having said that.imyself have to remind myself constantly..rely more on Him..when i run..i tend to think "okie i must conc on the pace..okie..i mus do this"
but when i leave it to Him..i can run much faster and achieve even better times that i don't even expect myself of achieving..

yes.HUMILITY please.
that's my bottomline for this entry.

to add on..

yea the devil tried to attack me with loneliness too...
every night as long as there is admin time..my bud will be on the phone with his gf...
i look at guys and their gals...
and i remember something that was preached jus recently..
when you look at others and what you don't have..you realise u are poor...
but when u noe that as long as u have Jesus Christ, u have everything..
i believe in this...cos every night..i will be doin my own admin..washin my own clothes...callin my parents..praying..and i think that's enough for me...emotionally satisfying
but yea..before i type down a strong 'bachelor' sentence, i think i should stop here...
close friends i seek, a partner i seek not.
i'm still so young.

a whiff of homely air.

finally..after three weeks...i don't even noe if i should call it long or wat...
to civilians..three weeks is really a loong time....
but to me..the three weeks weren't that hard to live through seriously..i think the parents visit really helped alot...in addition to my almost daily calls to my family..made me pass through it day by day quickly...
OCS is a nice place..with professional training...
i can get a gold.but i can further improve my goal here in OCS..
but actually..motivation should come from within...
yepps..
like pulling urself up an extra set on the chin up bar after lunch..running from place to place to improve stamina...anything...

alrights...basically here in OCS..everyone is quite competent..
so there's competition..and i would say it's a conducive environment to push urself..to excel and to overcome...and i like the environment cos it makes u work harder for urself..
However...i don't like it when pple compete and win just to boost their ego or watever fuckshit u call that...
i mean..lookin around...
there's a difference in healthy competition and ego boosting competition
i would say healthy competition would be like that between me and shaun...
we run together...we push each other silently to run faster...
at the end of the run..doesn't matter who finishes first..we just pat each other on the back and it's just another good run in the bag..
okie..maybe i should just put it simply...
ego boosting competition is...
trash talking...asking constantly how many sit ups u do..how fast ur shuttle run is..how far u jump...
and i just got this line from a source which i can't reveal here...
"yea manx..u're the one i want to beat in running"
i don't noe..such competition depresses me...
yes u want to be faster than someone..u wan to feel good..
but the main thing should be pushing urself to achieve ur personal best...and not winning someone to boost ur ego...
like what wing comm said...many pple pride their successes on others' downfall...
give u an example...
XXX did let's say 30 pull ups...
YYY can do 20 pullups..and YYY did a pb of 23 pullups during ippt..but if YYY is going to always compare himself with XXX..YYY's goin to get disappointed every every single time cos XXX is better..even though YYY did a pb and should be happy because of that....
err..i hope i get my point driven across...
push urself...do your own personal best..that's it...
yes..u can have a role model...u wan to reach someone's standard...but as long as u can constantly better urself..though it's not near whoever's standard..so be it..be happy..and keep pushin urself..
don't do things for ego....
any idea why i said this?
kae..to quote a real life example...
this particular guy was like kinda trash talking..in my opinion..to shaun about shuttle run..it made shaun so nervous..tat on his shuttle run..he put the wooden block on the wrong line...
however the next day during the re test..shaun had no pressure and he performed better than he did on the prev day...
i told shaun..u better ur own pb can alr..why pressure urself because others come in and try to play with ur mind?
yep....
so..back to the "i want to beat u in running" story...
for me..i really don't give a trash about trash talking...
cos i jus want to stay healthy..take care of my temple..and look to Christ for my strength...
and yea talking about this..
i realise those trash talkers...they have no God..
there's really a difference manx seriously...

whaoh..i took such a long para to drive my point across..tak boleh alr sia..my command of english really quite jiaklat alr...
haven't been exercising my brains for quite awhile alr..sighs..

anyways..during the second week..i actually got a chance to attend the SAF church ministry talk...it's so amazing u noe..God's love..that it even reaches u during the 3 week period when i was running a lil dry spiritually..every night it's quite rushed..so i jus do silent prayers...
it's jus amazing....when u're missing church..and God comes to u in that SAF church ministry talk...praise the Lord.
talking about this...there have been quite a number of times when the devil tries to attack me...
and no i'm not a crazy person hearing voices in my head...
an example would be the competition thing.when pple compete..they look towards themselves for their own effort.." i must do this..do that..i mus run faster..i mus jump further"
everything points towards ur own effort when all along..u should jus look at God and trust Him for all His strength in u..
yep...but thank God..everytime this kinda thing happens..my breast plate of righteousness is always there...

another would be the appointment holder thing...
talked to my PC..he identified the weakness that i myself have identified with..that i need to be more vocal as a leader...
i'm trying to improve on that..but i'm relying on Him to do that...
instead of again "oh i must do this..oh i must talk more..oh i must show more presence"
there again..u would tend to look towards urself for what u can do..but look to God and everything will just come naturally..and i'm trusting Him for that...
my pC said during the interview "last badge all my company best all very zai wan.all runnin for sword of honour"
then i walked out of the room thinkin..no way am i goin to be attacked by the devil...
my style is that..yes i push myself...but i won't do it overboard till it's wayang..
i still and will always believe in the principle of rest..
wait rest and grow...
instead of constantly trying to do something more..let it come naturally to me.

anyways..i'm quite glad shaun's in my platoon..sam actually crossed over..thank God for that too..can have pple whom i can talk cock to..
ben's also in my platoon..something which i sorta saw it coming..and it really came true...
during initiation parade..i was standing beside him
in God's eyes..we are all His children..doesn't matter about what earthly matters that separates us...
and i'm glad...
i can feel it...it's a sign of closure...
in fact...i don't feel any awkwardness at all...
cos there's nothing to be awkward about...
sighs..to the readers out there...do ask me about who my bud is..i can tell u quite alot of stuff..
yeps...

i've quite alot of stuff to do..
a weekly report to do..things to study...rest..church...decorate the wing board and my journal..
1xjiaklat jiaklat..
maybe i shld stop blogging..and start on my report.
=)
laters~