a whiff of homely air.

finally..after three weeks...i don't even noe if i should call it long or wat...
to civilians..three weeks is really a loong time....
but to me..the three weeks weren't that hard to live through seriously..i think the parents visit really helped alot...in addition to my almost daily calls to my family..made me pass through it day by day quickly...
OCS is a nice place..with professional training...
i can get a gold.but i can further improve my goal here in OCS..
but actually..motivation should come from within...
yepps..
like pulling urself up an extra set on the chin up bar after lunch..running from place to place to improve stamina...anything...

alrights...basically here in OCS..everyone is quite competent..
so there's competition..and i would say it's a conducive environment to push urself..to excel and to overcome...and i like the environment cos it makes u work harder for urself..
However...i don't like it when pple compete and win just to boost their ego or watever fuckshit u call that...
i mean..lookin around...
there's a difference in healthy competition and ego boosting competition
i would say healthy competition would be like that between me and shaun...
we run together...we push each other silently to run faster...
at the end of the run..doesn't matter who finishes first..we just pat each other on the back and it's just another good run in the bag..
okie..maybe i should just put it simply...
ego boosting competition is...
trash talking...asking constantly how many sit ups u do..how fast ur shuttle run is..how far u jump...
and i just got this line from a source which i can't reveal here...
"yea manx..u're the one i want to beat in running"
i don't noe..such competition depresses me...
yes u want to be faster than someone..u wan to feel good..
but the main thing should be pushing urself to achieve ur personal best...and not winning someone to boost ur ego...
like what wing comm said...many pple pride their successes on others' downfall...
give u an example...
XXX did let's say 30 pull ups...
YYY can do 20 pullups..and YYY did a pb of 23 pullups during ippt..but if YYY is going to always compare himself with XXX..YYY's goin to get disappointed every every single time cos XXX is better..even though YYY did a pb and should be happy because of that....
err..i hope i get my point driven across...
push urself...do your own personal best..that's it...
yes..u can have a role model...u wan to reach someone's standard...but as long as u can constantly better urself..though it's not near whoever's standard..so be it..be happy..and keep pushin urself..
don't do things for ego....
any idea why i said this?
kae..to quote a real life example...
this particular guy was like kinda trash talking..in my opinion..to shaun about shuttle run..it made shaun so nervous..tat on his shuttle run..he put the wooden block on the wrong line...
however the next day during the re test..shaun had no pressure and he performed better than he did on the prev day...
i told shaun..u better ur own pb can alr..why pressure urself because others come in and try to play with ur mind?
yep....
so..back to the "i want to beat u in running" story...
for me..i really don't give a trash about trash talking...
cos i jus want to stay healthy..take care of my temple..and look to Christ for my strength...
and yea talking about this..
i realise those trash talkers...they have no God..
there's really a difference manx seriously...

whaoh..i took such a long para to drive my point across..tak boleh alr sia..my command of english really quite jiaklat alr...
haven't been exercising my brains for quite awhile alr..sighs..

anyways..during the second week..i actually got a chance to attend the SAF church ministry talk...it's so amazing u noe..God's love..that it even reaches u during the 3 week period when i was running a lil dry spiritually..every night it's quite rushed..so i jus do silent prayers...
it's jus amazing....when u're missing church..and God comes to u in that SAF church ministry talk...praise the Lord.
talking about this...there have been quite a number of times when the devil tries to attack me...
and no i'm not a crazy person hearing voices in my head...
an example would be the competition thing.when pple compete..they look towards themselves for their own effort.." i must do this..do that..i mus run faster..i mus jump further"
everything points towards ur own effort when all along..u should jus look at God and trust Him for all His strength in u..
yep...but thank God..everytime this kinda thing happens..my breast plate of righteousness is always there...

another would be the appointment holder thing...
talked to my PC..he identified the weakness that i myself have identified with..that i need to be more vocal as a leader...
i'm trying to improve on that..but i'm relying on Him to do that...
instead of again "oh i must do this..oh i must talk more..oh i must show more presence"
there again..u would tend to look towards urself for what u can do..but look to God and everything will just come naturally..and i'm trusting Him for that...
my pC said during the interview "last badge all my company best all very zai wan.all runnin for sword of honour"
then i walked out of the room thinkin..no way am i goin to be attacked by the devil...
my style is that..yes i push myself...but i won't do it overboard till it's wayang..
i still and will always believe in the principle of rest..
wait rest and grow...
instead of constantly trying to do something more..let it come naturally to me.

anyways..i'm quite glad shaun's in my platoon..sam actually crossed over..thank God for that too..can have pple whom i can talk cock to..
ben's also in my platoon..something which i sorta saw it coming..and it really came true...
during initiation parade..i was standing beside him
in God's eyes..we are all His children..doesn't matter about what earthly matters that separates us...
and i'm glad...
i can feel it...it's a sign of closure...
in fact...i don't feel any awkwardness at all...
cos there's nothing to be awkward about...
sighs..to the readers out there...do ask me about who my bud is..i can tell u quite alot of stuff..
yeps...

i've quite alot of stuff to do..
a weekly report to do..things to study...rest..church...decorate the wing board and my journal..
1xjiaklat jiaklat..
maybe i shld stop blogging..and start on my report.
=)
laters~