where did i stop?

hmms..was messaging sheena a lil yest night. i dozed off at arnd 1am and i woke up remembering that i've not replied the message..
don't noe why..i just gave a call..while in a half groggy state..
but yes..that familiar voice could not be mistaken...especially at night..
sighs..i realise i'm not really ready till the season is right..
i still think of her sometimes..
i thought i was completely over her..i guess there's no such thing as 'completely' until u're actually in a brand new relationship..
past few weeks haven't been easy..have been involved in alot of things i can't control..
everytime i'm just grateful to book out..to smell the outside air..
to see my parents..
to spend time in church..
on fri when i booked out..i immediately went home and went out again..attended praise and worship session..my first..
it was a nice time spent with God..

anyways..back at college day today..i saw all the award winners..academic..sports...
while some spent 90% of their time mugging away..i spent 90% of my time on the court..
academics and studies suddenly seem a lil far fetched to me now..
but i can always envision the competitive environment again..when pple fret over books..over questions and answers.over exams...
the gals will experience it first..while for me...it's still quite awhile..

i realised as well..the friends whom u can fall back on are actually ur sec sch frens...
i don't noe..in times of heated arguments..
i think back i realised that for all this while..marcus has been a friend i noe i can fall back on...
strong friendships are important, especially when u're in the army where it is quite a screwed up place filled with people who carry others' balls..people who are nasty..

but yes..
i'm missing her..
i think it's just the stress..

decisions...

hmms...
this weekend..freaking busy packing my army stuff..
i thank God that i'm able to attend campus service...
at first i wanted to rush home to pack my stuff before heading out again to dxo on sat nite...
but i decided to stay for dinner with the care group people...
as always..i find it very peaceful actually..to have dinner with my care group..regardless of age or season...
i just find it very peaceful..like a sanctuary...to just be around with them...
and i chionged back thinking if i should stay at home or still go dxo..
in the end..i went dxo..and i din drink at all...the music sucks...the crowd kinda too..
and i'm not going to step into that place for a long time..
MOS will be a better place to venture to next time...
anyways..a meagre 4 and a half hours of sleep before i woke up at 8am..and i packed all the way..
was thinking if i should attend third and book in straight away...but but..i realise it was too rushed and i haven't packed my stuff yet..
instead i forgo service today...and decided to find my mum for lunch instead...
i thank God for my family..
as what coach leslie said yest...
thank God for our families...
and God gave us ourselves as a blessing to our families because of who we are in Christ..
i do not know why my tear ducts have been hypersensitive recently..
i still rem on thurs when i came back from brunei..i took a nap..
and i dreamt that i was having a meal with my mum and sis..
somewhat the time spent with them was very short and i was saddened in that dream...i dreamt i cried..and i woke up with tears streaming just at that instant...

i don't noe manx.. my sis's leaving for overseas exchange come august...
she won't be back till mid dec..i just feel kinda sad that she won;'t be able to attend my commissioning parade.....
and i kinda dread her to leave..
cos from august all the way to dec...it's goin to be tough in there...

anyways..back to the lunch..
i had lunch with my mum..i left in a cab with tears streaming down again..
i don't know why...

all in all..
i just thank God for the time i have outside...

as my mind spins..

jus back from brunei..
climbing up mt biang was torturous...
and walking around navigating was tiring too..especially when u lose urself in the jungle..

time has been zooming..i haven't been sitting down...thinking about wat's happening...
seriously..being posted to combat engineers..it has taken up a whole new meaning..
it's like God placing me in places where it's goin to be tough..to teach me about perseverance...

i seriously don't know about my ahm thing...i thought i had hope for it..i trained for it..but i still went to combat engi..just had pc interview today..unfortunately...the SCh's concentrating on the engineer course..so not much emphasis is placed on 'extra-curricular' activities like the ahm competitive team..

sheena asked me not to stop running for my dreams..in short..not to stop running..
today when my pc told me it's not really advisable to run for ahm comp team..
i was like..
okie..

but yea..maybe to put things in perspective..
training to be an officer is of utmost priority..
when there's a plan for me from above..i believe there will be right time for me to compete and maybe run a competitive race...

pple drift away..some go overseas..
tym jus left...
dnt noe sia...

havce been reading others' blogs..especially the gals'
they have been enjoying themselves..
indulging in holidays after holidays...
from japan to hongkong to gasp! vienna...
phoah..
while i see the lush greenery in brunei and thailand...
that's it manx..