aptitude

hmms..
i just decided to name the title of my entry after my username..
anyways..
jus a few updates on my life as an engineer..
life's kinda tough in there..being an appointment holder..
i got 7 confinements cos i failed to ensure that a duty which i wasn't in charge of doing was done properly..
and the guy who caused me that 7 confinements is my so called buddy since my st term days...
the funny thing is on that fateful day..i was standing behind him in the OC's office..
i was praying for him not to get scolded so much..just a few minutes later the OC gave both of us 7 confinements as punishment..
btw...7 confinements is served in waves of three..meaning that i do not go home for the weekend which is considered as two confinements served cos i will be stayin in camp for sat and sun..and for the following week..i will stay in camp on sat and return home on sunday for a break before i start my cycle again to clear my 7confinements..
when i got my punishment..my main concern wasn't really about anything except about the issue of answering to my parents...
i already know that since i came into this camp..my parents haven't been really settled down and assured of my well-being..
just telling my dad of my punishment in the car jus now..
he seemed affected by it..
of course i'll feel bitter..i'll feel sad for making my parents worry..
but i would just like to believe that everything happens for a reason..sometimes Grace works for me and sometimes Grace works through me...
i am sure that the confinements would strengthen me somehow..i know that this might be a good time to spend more time alone with God in camp.
i just pray that my parents would not be worried about me in camp..

anyways.in this place..just like OCS..the same old competitive environment is so evident..
the pressure to perform..to know your stuff..to lead well..
everything...
everything is about performance..man and his effort..
i jsut pray that God will pull me through this period of difficulty...
i always question my level of motivation...
whether to strive all the way or to actually just be a slightly average person..
right now i really do not know what my goal actually is..
but i pray that He will lead me there..