keeping it alive..

hmms...i seriously don't have any inspiration to blog anymore..
maybe my army life's stifling my command of english now...
army's pretty the same...tough..disciplined..no room for slacking...
army's quite an awful place...
a place where men are dominant..so what do you get..many thousand egos filling up the place..
parades are held for military respect..
i always wonder..how does it feel to be the VIP or something..to walk to the podium when the whole parade is saluting you with their rifles...
egooo...
my OC made a very valid point the other night..
he said that our motivation should come from the fact that we do not want history to repeat itself..with reference to the jap occupation where inhumane things were carried out..just like any war...
he told us a story..during the jap occupation..
men were lined up with electrical wires placed above their privates..
and they were made to look at a naked lady walking past them...
he talked about how women were raped..mistreated..
he said,"if you don't want what happened in the past to happen to your mum your sister your girlfriend, you better train hard."
he added that that's the basis of his job for the past twelve years..

when i heard it...it's so similar to my thinking during ST...
where i was doing a drill and i was so damn damn tired..
where this question popped up..what am i doing this for?
for the rank? for the money? for the prestige?
or the bigger picture is ultimately for my country?
yes the rank the money or girlfriends might be the motivating factors for many to actually carry on the tough course..
but how long can these last?
your girlfriend might leave u..and so what? u lose all your motivation to carry on?
it's all about looking at the bigger picture..
why we are even training to be officers..
putting personal reasons aside..it's all about the country no?

since i moved into my camp at nee soon..my so called buddy in service term..one whose motivation was sky high back in OCS..he kinda changed since then..
one of a slacker..whose mind is always on civilian life or rather his girlfriend..
i've personally seen first hand how a man can actually let a gal distract him in the course of his work..
this didn't happen in service term..but it's happening now..

just last sunday..i met up with my friend..
talked to her for quite awhile..
while i was talking to her..a thought just raced in my mind.."shit..i need to book in early tmr morning..that's the end of this enjoyable period of time"
i booked in...and it took me two days to get my head off the distraction outside in the civilian world..
maybe i've not been having these kinda 'talking' sessions sinec a long time ago..

but anyways..
i've seen how guys can get distracted in NS..
i've seen how girls can hurt themselves over guys who don't bother to shower some basic affection on them...
i've been in one where the guy himself can hurt the gal over some bullcrap things that he has done...

only when the time is right..otherwise i think i'm a cynic when it comes to such matters of the 'heart'

peace.