worthy is the lamb

the past few days have set me thinkin..or rather wondering...
just had an exercise..
was an exercise pc for deployment..
while moving out..my rover broke down..yes my rover broke down..
hence i had to join my mates on the tonner..
and worse still i thought i lost my notebook which had the route..later to find out that it was with my friend..
this caused me to lose my way before my pc comms the exercise oc on the route..
btw it was fri the 13th..
but i'm not into superstition..
there must be a reason why such things happened..
i don't really know..neither can i fathom..
but i believe one day the answer iwll jus hit me..
anyways everything seemed to be goin on pretty fine.until i broke camp..
then yhea..the shit started..
tat's when i realise His love is the greatest..
far more greater than any man can give..
yes favour's impt.. but i rather i focus on God and Hia abundant provision of grace..rather than seeking favour from superiors whom i don't really respect..
this just got into me for the whole exercise..
sometimes i ask why there's such an instructor for me for this course..
then i realise that God's tryin to teach me submission..
yes as much as i want to submit..respect has to be there first doesn't it..
army's really quite a screwed up place..
some superiors genuinely care about ur learning..
some superiors teach the hard way..
some superiors..no matter wat they say..u've lost tat basic respect for them tat u jus can't seem but to treat their words like a pinch of salt..

just one exercise..it has taught me alot in managing men under me..
somehow i just feel..that the calling is getting stronger..
a pc..
to be sincere in caring for ur men..
to be sincere in everything we do is very impt..
there are people whom only wayang when certain pple are around..when they aren't ard..these people just completely switch off..fuckin retarded..
if u want to do something..do it with a sincere heart..
yes pple might say waying is a street smart style..
but always having to wayang will jus give ur true self away..

i say again i rather rely on my God for His favour and grace..

anyways..once again i'm kinda sad whenever i think about the friend i lost since the start of my enginnering course..
he's changed so much..or rather my impression of him changed..
in ocs he won' complain about stuff..but now he just adds his comments into every single shit..
seriously speaking..it's such a classic example of pple drifting apart..
sometimes i really just feel like punchin him..
more like 'i want to punch u hard..not because i hate u..but out of my frustration over the change in u'
to each his own..
i shall stop dwelling into this...

anyways..it's so easy how having a distraction can drive u away from ur focus..can change ur character..can change everything....

anyways..
i'm thankful i've God.