a network of strength

hmms..
was supposed to go bible study today
was already planning to go at what time and blah blah
then my colleague asked me to discuss ndp stores later
he told me while i was tucking into my packet of noodles at the mess
"if only i've avoided him, maybe i could have just changed and rushed out already"

so while i was eating i was thinking.
should i or shouldn't i?
in the end i didn't
i really don't want to be in the middle of bible study and he calls asking me where am i to discuss the stores and i'm everywhere but in camp
now that i'm already attending courses here and there
can sense this and that feelings around

i mean come on
i'm blessed, no wrong greatly blessed to attend such courses
attending such courses will actually cause me to be out of camp
so i needn't conduct this and that in camp
i mean
u attend a course and you just use your brains while u're there isn't it

it's okie. i realise for the past few days i've been quite conscious about myself
what i do what i didn't do
and i hate it
just lose everything of me and have all of Christ in me

thinking about some things somehow will just trigger this bitter feeling in me
maybe it's because it has been something i wanted to study since JC days?
while in the course i was using my brains
not using my brains to udnerstand what the speaker was talking about
but rather daydreaming here and there.thinking about stuff.sorting out stuff
the art of expressing oneself through the power of language is a beautiful thing, and i'm not sure if such expressions are possible in the world of accounting and numbers where there is a fixed answer to balancing numbers and whatnot
but it's like God telling me "hey go into this area.do not worry about expressing yourself in other areas. this area is where i shall put my money into it"
okie in other words it's like Him telling me to go into accountancy because this is where His blessings will be greatly upon me, in terms of wealth.
and somehow whenever i think about what God is telling me
i just feel this confident expectation of hope of things to come.of His blessings to come in this area
and my God is faithful

anyways today during the course
i just had this revelation
the speaker was asking us to prepare for role playing tomorrow
even though it's a small matter like role playing
you have to grasp the concepts and do a proper job
but immediately this voice in me told me "just do it lah.make mistakes then make loh.you can learn from them"
and it's so powerful
cos there's this upcoming course for me
where there will be appt holders
and obviously appt holders will be facing a certain degree of challenge and stress
but hey being armed with this line
"just go out there and try.go out there and learn.it's okie if you make mistakes.I'll cover for you and even in your mistakes you will still prosper" my Lord says

and it is indeed this line which i've experienced recently
i can't really explain the story over here
i shall share the next time i attend cg or rather if you ask me.

shucks i feel like i have writer's diarrhoea when everything just comes out from my brain to my hands to the typing of the words

"what is there that I'll not bless you with?" says my Lord my God
amazing love

to hold everything with loose hands

of pandas and procreation

i just read the papers today
this panda in thailand is being fed with videos of his counterparts mating
because this particular panda doesn't seem too interested in doing the deed with the female panda that he is placed in close proximity with

this is seriously ridiculous
okie there's something wrong with my above statement
but yea either this panda has a hormonal problem
of the female panda is really that unattractive
either way
i can only conclude from this article that animals watch porn.
jeez

i'm on course right now
it's an interesting course on coaching.
i see that the things i learn in army now, they will be useful when i get out of it in months to come
in fact after this one week coaching course
i've two more courses coming up
it's as if my whole nsf life is about attending courses
i was asking God why
He somewhat told me that these courses will be useful to me when i ord and enter my reservice
alrights
and it's a privilege to attend these courses as well, even though they might be tough mentally.

be patient.
Jesus is my measure of what i have
which is everything

so why compare?

look beyond

it's still yet again
another day of the weekend
quiet.slow.tranquil
the only thing bothering me now is that i can't eat the food that i can normally eat
and it sucks
am i being put through a bodybuilder's diet?
imagine steamed chicken breast with brocolli as a staple with little salt and seasoning
yucks
while i sit at the mess looking at my peers tucking into their packet of beehoon, EGG and whatnot
it's almost like God's telling me "hey child look, didn't you wish to clean up your diet long ago? this is a good opportunity to get you in the habit of eating clean"
and yesterday i thought i would just go vegetarian for awhile
since my diet is already so clean
might as well try vegetarian for a week
tofu tofu tofu
but i'll only try vegetarian for a week when my stomach grows stronger
veg food can be quite oily at times when it's not home cooked

arghs i'm already missing some food.
seriously anything now will just make me salivate
and i'm referring to food

yes dude
have your well deserved break
no one will champion you for being a workaholic
and everyone will talk about you for being a slacker
but in between is when you do what you are supposed to do
and knowing when to take your own breaks here and there
that's wise

and yes i don't care
i shall go for campus service later

weak

hmms.i was down with food poisoning
woke up on mon night at 3am
and vomited.yes those yellow bile sour smelling liquid out from my mouth
terrible feeling..
i'm feeling much better now praise the Lord
but i still feel a lil uneasy if i stand up for too long.

by Your stripes i am healed amen

i literally slept the whole day today since i came back from my recce with my 2IC
i slept all the way.even though i wasn't feeling that tired
but i couldn't do anything much either
so i just entertained my bed.
anyways.
i had a dream..

be still

be still..
and enjoy the quietness of my surroundings.
while at the comp in camp
i look out and i can see the tress all around.
the leaves just stay still, without being disturbed by the wind.
so still so quiet.
you can choose to feel melancholy, the feeling of missing someone.
but then again
you can just sit down and thank God for this peace inside.

i don't really know how to describe it
maybe i haven't been stayin in camp over the weekend since a long time
the last time i did was when i was confined

but yea staying in camp over the weekend do provide benefits.
you get to really sit around and be still, away from the hustle and bustle of life in town, or rather suntec city on sats.

so there's a portion for me in camp
to be still and know He is my God my Lord

it's so no cool

smoking's not cool.
u go to clubs and you see it all around, you smell it all around and the smoke just stains whatever you're wearing.
in the army, a safe 80% of personnel lights up their cigar and puffs their lives away
okie this isn't a stop smoking campaign i'm trying to raise here
many a times, the temptation to just try one seems overwhelming
thank God for friends, friends who are smokers who stop the shit out of me from doing so
first you try one, then you think it's okie to take another
and in a club environment, under the influence of alcohol, a cigar after another just seems so natural

friends around me.
i've seen the things they put in their mouth.
and let not judge another's food as unclean as they are all from the Lord
in the natural, the junk and stuff like that put into the body, it's hard to take them out.
i'm a fine example of that.
and i seriously don't want my temple of God to look unsightly, as much as i don't really place much emphasis on it, as i've sorta given up that coveted washboard years ago, as security in Christ goes way further than the things of the world.
i've said this so many times before
God does not look at outward appearance but looks at the heart
likewise many pretty women do not look at the outward appearance but look at the heart of the men they are with
just walk down orchard road nowadays and you'll know why
anyways it's been tested, good looking couples seldom stay long together because they're more lightly to cheat on their partners
for this evidence which isn't really absolute, i would want to believe myself as not so good looking. which is only for this evidence alone.alone.
but that being said, these are things of the world.

a man of God who has His favour on him, would grow in all areas. yes all areas. i'm not really sure if all areas refer to -that- area as well but yea just look at Joseph in the bible. He was sought after.
a woman of God who has His favour on her would grow in all areas, her youth being renewed even as her natural age increases.
when the time is right and God ordains their instituition, a good looking couple do get together with God in their relationship.
so don't limit God, as what i see on the streets, haha not by sight but by faith.

i feel like i'm rambling a whole load of bull****

anyways
i always tend to have plans of great grandeur
yes of course kaching moolah is involved
but it will be really nice if that plan can come to pass
however
i just read proverbs today
this particular verse. chapter 16 i think.

"in his heart a man plans his course
but it's the Lord who determines his steps"

"commit to the Lord in whatever you do
and all your plans will succeed"

i hate losing in basketball
call it the competitive spirit or what
but i hate losing
and i hate playing basketball when the switch for the relevant skills isn't switched on yet
i just need to switch it on
but first up
let me just train up my fundamentals first
Let God restore this gift that He has given to me.
In His time

be still

foolish is a man who makes a decision in haste
i was so close to doing that.
till i heard this line
"patience is a virtue"
virtue or not.
i shall sit at Your feet
cast my cares upon You
and be patient
be patient
and things will happen in Your time
all things beautiful

that you might have plans
but what can be greater than His plan for me?
nothing

arrogant is a man who takes things into his own hands
humble is a man who leaves his troubles and worries for the Lord to take care of it.

you go into these bouts of missing someone

praise the Lord

out of the two days of ambs training this week
i can attend one of them
ain't He great manx
and
i just cleared my soc test today
of course people around me say i'm a sure pass and stuff like that
but ultimately He ordains me the strength to accomplish it
i deproved by 20sec since the last time i took it when i was a cadet, which was 7:27min
but i'm not complaining because it's totally expected
given my few months of inactivity
i'm so glad the recruits are coming in
it gives me the motivation to train hard again

anyways most important of all
my superior wanted to give me 3 extras yesterday for waking up late
that's a crazy punishment.
but yea through the testing there is a way of escape for me
and i kept on confessing that yesterday
and yesterday he told me to clear the soc test today. if i pass he will forgo the three extras
if i fail i will get double
when i heard that yesterday i was so full of hope
"yes His word is going to manifest right there tomorrow when He makes me pass my SOC"
and clearly he did

oh wells
random ramblings

and joey the idiot is laughing at my posts.
those bold italic lines highlighted in red
blah blah
obviously they mean something don't they
and if it wasn't significant enough, i wouldn't have made them appear in red, bold and slanted.

hallelujah

in my testing would bring with it a way of escape
just can't wait for tomorrow
when God's grace will pull me through

you want to say it
but then again
nothing is as nice and sincere as saying it to the person face to face.
rather than over the phone.

these two weeks will be good

and i say
these two weeks will be good in His name

a lil silly danger

some gila dog chased after me when i was running in geylang, en route to the national stadium..
it sniffed me out and when i saw it i just stopped and stood still.real calm. the dog got my hint and the excitement for it was over the moment i did that.come on i haven't even bathed after i came back from church and you want to sniff me?
must be my adidas cologne..
i wanted to touch the dog till i saw the filth on it. it seriously was a stray manx.with some patched skin and stuff. arghs and my brain automatically drew my hand back.

oh wells..i finally understand what it means to run on the boulevard
stadium boulevard that is
running alone has its peaceful times.
but sometimes you just wish someone was running alongside you to enjoy the evening breeze, the evening sky, the lapping waters, all at the stadium link.
picture this
on my right was the riverside waters
a barricade separated the running path and the platform
i crossed the barricade and ran on the platform
meaning that any miscalculated step could land me in the riverside waters
and it's the spot when i was kayaking years ago, when i tested the depth of the waters by dipping the whole paddle into it, which means it's pretty deep
i realised i was just seeking the thrill of it
and the fact that my left foot was pounding more to the left instead of the right didn't really make me enjoy the experience
hence i just climbed over to the safer running track
and yea i have to admit it's crazily scary
thoughts just kept running in my head
what if i fall down to my right? yes i can trap water but i don't want to make a scene there.

on sat campus. pastor said this line "very often people judge you by the car you drive, whether you have this or have that"
i do not know why the topic of cars came out of his mouth and the topic of cars has been in my head for these few days.
thank God for speaking to me through pastor Chin

some people say accountancy is a bore
numbers.blah blah
right now even before i take up accountancy
i shall speak into my course
no it will not be boring and my accounting position in future will not be boring
i have this abundant life no matter what i'm doing
in Jesus name
it's how you want to live your life out of the course you are studying
by the way accountancy and business..the modules only differ by a few essential and crucial ones
studying accountancy doesn't make you an accountant by default
there's something about shooting down what others are doing that irritates the shit out of me.
if someone is really passionate about what he or she wants to study.
you shouldn't shoot them down just because of the stereotypes in society
and i don't blame them exactly because stereotypes do exist.
and sports science is still at the back of my head.

knowledge is power?
this saying is of the world

some people might not have the knowledge
but God gives them wisdom
and it's so profounding.
how can people who seem so low on knowledge still attracts so much favour to them?
because it's God's favour.
and i have it.
Amen

buffets are bad

buffets are bad..
they make u overeat because you paid money for it..
and the food there..darn sinful.
fondue ice cream eclairs.weak spot.

would you dance? if i ask you to dance?
miles away as this line floats in the air

it's encouraging to read the blog of my sister-in-Christ
i'm not sure if that paragraph was meant for me
but yea it has been stuck in my head since.
a fresh revelation.
stupid blog can't copy and paste.

there's power.

i don't know why but the tears just kept flowing during yesterday's bible study's message..
there's so much meaning in every word and phrase in the bible. that the Spirit did not just put any word in the bible for nothing.
at the end of the service.pastor talked about matthew 6:34 if my memory is still intact..
it's not about hearing the verse again and again.
what made it so special was that this verse. i really needed it as my rhema word..
and few days ago. i was meditating on this verse..
and it came from God Himself yesterday..
yes.you hear this verse.you see this verse everywhere you go..
but i finally realized.
the Word is so powerful when it hits you just when you need it.

be patient
what you do not have yet. you wait for it patiently.
in His time

qarah

right chance right happening
i remember i asked Him. let your right chance right happening happen to me today
and indeed He made it to pass
i was just talking to this second year soldier who was about to complete his two years liability. he came back for me to sign some papers and i did.and i talked to him for a few brief minutes.
after the talk, it just dawned to me that in just a few sentences, everyone indeed has the ability to make an influence in others' lives
it might just be a short few sentences, a brief exchange, but the words that are exchanged, i believe that it will make a difference in another's life.
hence i realised that i should have talked more to those ord men, men whom i don't know since i wasn't with them while they are serving their ns.
to them i just might be someone whom they come to when they need a platoon commander to sign their forms.
but yea.powerful.

yesterday while waiting for my friend to arrive at boon lay interchange, i queued to draw money at the teller.
it was a long queue and there were about 3-4 people ahead of me after waiting for about 15mins?
then this elderly man came to me and asked me how to get to the ntuc supermarket in jurong point itself.
i pointed him the directions, but somehow he kept on insisting that i was pointing him to enter the mrt station itself.
i told him twice but he still insisted that i was giving him the directions that will lead him into the mrt station.
i started to get a little impatient, given that i've waited so long to draw money, and i couldn't possibly leave the position where i was standing could i?
then something just told me to be patient, and lead him to the ntuc supermarket itself.
hence i just cajoled him towards the direction and helped him carry this plastic bag which i suppose was heavy for his stature.
turns out that he had trouble walking as well.
so i really slowed down my steps.a step after another
and just accompanied him to jurong point itself.
praise God for this encounter.
felt really warm after that..
but it isn't so much about the do-good-feel-good mentality..
it's how in just a simple small encounter, a few minutes, God's love can be shown and felt.
i conversed with him in mandarin and i'm amazed at my fluency in speaking. other than the fact that i do not know the chinese word for "camp"
if you know do tell me ya

if the music isn't good.seriously it's a wasted trip
and that's what happened exactly yesterday at zouk
bumped into likeng,koong jiunn, andrew,shing and wei yolk and co
koong jiunn has a better profile, since i last saw him in my service term days
and the arsehole likeng kept on referring shing as my 'rival in love'
*rolls eyes*
i've better things to do than to listen to his nonsense
and i heard some unpleasant stuff about a particular person.
oh wells.

and it's such a small small world
my fellow officer mate.his good guy friend is the boyfriend of sheena's close friend.

mon-tue-wed-thur-
hmms.

of beer, darts and pool

so that's what chilling is all about..
you sit with a few guys..some ur subordinates.some your superiors..
and you just drink beer like there's no tomorrow.
oh please this's the kind of lifestyle i can't see myself having..
it's so easy to fall into this beer drinking lifestyle..
and the food there..chicken wings.onion rings.
arghs. does oil and beer just go together?
makes me feel kinda sick...

but then again..it's always nice to chill..
over a beer or two.and you just talk..
but of course not all guys..
but then again you realise what the term "beer drinking buddies" really means.

my superior said that since he got married.
he don't really feel like going home.
i wonder what's wrong with them manx.

it's still so so so early.1120pm

give me some wine instead.

i'm still awake

time now is erm 0230 hrs..
jus completed my work...
not very tiring..
but yea..
i love it when it'a late in the night..and i'm alone in the office..
eiher working..or listening to some music..
unfortunately the internet terminal comp can't play music..
damn otherwise it would have been better..
sighs..don't really feel like sleeping yet
even though my eyes are bloodshot..
and i still have a long day tomorrow..

and i realised i blog more often than those civilian cg peeps out there..
hahaha..
but anyways..
i understand..
it's always this period of dormancy..
after a big event or something..

arghs.
i feel alive at night
even though my body screams for me to rest
perhaps that's why my nose's still stucked like some stuffed turkey.
but i still ran anyway
never felt so liberated before after a run..

may the days be shorter and the nights longer

the call

'nuff said.=)

hearing isn't enough.
to see will be better
to be in the presence will be best.

but i can only hear for now.

what am i talking about?

the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness

it's a gift of righteousness..
i don't deserve it.
i didn't work for it
it's given to me..
no one can take it away from me.

the abundance of grace
when i know i can't do it in these areas.
areas which i am weak.
You are strong.

busy

they say being occupied with work is a way of keeping your mind off some matters.

i don't think so.
on the contrary it keeps you more distracted from your work.
somehow it's at the back of your head.somewhere.somehow

aish

discipline

discipline is doing the things which you have to do but you don't feel like doing.

it's such a lazy sunday
wake up.eat.sleep.church
or
wake up.eat.gym.church

sunday's the Sabbath day
a day of rest
and i'm recovering from a slight flu

so to hell with the gym

you pick up your phone with the card in your hand
as you lay on your bed with that feeling of indecisiveness
and you say,"pride i shall stand"
how foolish!

discipline

discipline is doing the thing which you should do but you don't feel like doing.

i finally understand what it means to be living a lazy sunday.
i had this feeling long time ago when i wasn't a Christian yet
when sundays were a normal affair.
sundays will be a day of roller coaster emotions.melancholy.cheerful.often dependent on the weather
but everything has changed since.

sunday's for church.for hanging out with friends.

but now that i'm attending fourth service..
there's time on my hands.
wake up.eat.sleep.church
or
wake up.eat.gym.church

discipline?
i'm still deciding.

paris jetaime
i still want to catch this movie

your experiences shape you

"i guess we all learn from experiences. i've certainly learnt to be more patient and giving. letting things go is certainly easier than bearing the grudge."

i got this line from a certain blog.
was surprised that this person actually blog..

you think back.
and i realise it was a huge learning curve.

to be more patient and giving.letting things go
yes it might from a learning experience.
but i think it's God that brought about this transformation.

why ah

i had dinner with my relatives..
my mum's side..
it's like a reunion dinner..
saw my cousins around..
when i reached early..i took a walk around..
there was a canal nearby and the rain has jus stopped..either that or there was a slight drizzle..
it was in the evening and the place had a slight mist what wafted through the air..
just when i wanted to walk the canal, my sis called to say that they have reached..
and i didn't walk in the end..
is this what you call "go to a place to emo?"

A level results were out..
it's all their individual journey with God..
you can say till the cows come home
at the end of the day, we choose to listen and take heed of what others tell us.
so everyone has a choice..
i don't know.during care group today
i was just thankful for all these j3 j2 people..
thankful that alvin shared about his condition.
i'm not sure if many knew beforehand.but he was one of the student leaders together with me.
i wasn't close to him in sec sch..
not that i am now.
but i'm glad he's come into care group and campus
these j2 j3 people just remind me how thankful i am for what i have.
during ambs meeting today, lynne said "don't devalue what God has given to you"
this line somehow stuck in my head.it's still in my head.
i don't know.
i just want to be around with these people.
just the presence will do.
just spending some time will do.
because for the following months i know i'll be busy.
and 5 more months, many of these people are moving up into their uni care groups.

i told them "i'm very excited because A level results always bring with it many amazing stories of grace"
it might not be visible now..
but you will come to realise that getting the results is just the beginning of His journey of grace for you. especially in your education route.
so i'll still stick to my line "A level results bring with it many stories of grace, it's just a matter of His time"
just believe.

i wonder. why do people want to put up an aloof exterior?
i don't like feeling distant.
but then again you can't be into everyone's life.
care group thoughts.

"Love wins. Love always wins" Mitch Albom in Tuesdays with Morrie

the night wind

as i walked towards the pull up bar for my daily (okie.almost daily) regime of pullups,
the night wind after the rain was chilly, and i just stood there, letting the wind penetrate the pores of my skin and gnawed at my bones.

they say the cold always induces a sense of loneliness

i say what matters are the things you want to put in your head
the person you want to put in your heart.

ZzZzzZzZ..

and His grace is more than enough for each day.
=)

lang man shou ji

hahahhaa..
jay chou mumbles his words when he sings..
not really surprised..
this song has been on repeat mode..
i jus play it not because i really understand what he's singing..
not because the tune's very appealing to me..
i'm not really drawn to chinese emo songs..
the only chinese emo song i know from jay chou is an jing, which's kinda prehistoric.
but still it's on repeat mode.
i don't know why

praise God for work.
though i hate travelling to and fro
from saf ferry terminal all the way to jurong.
it's tiring..