there is nothing like.

i've a test on wed.but i don't know why i don't feel panicky.
am i taking things too easily? *shrugs*

there is nothing like there is nothing like Your love..Your love..
i love You forever i love You forever i love You forever Lord
i love You forever i love You forever i love You forever Lord.

catch on to the Spirit and run with God.
that i know this hunger is not on my own.not that of worldly enthusiasm.

that when the season is not right.you sort of know it inside.
that when u want to devote fully to the Lord. the thing that's rubbing you the wrong way.making lose your establishment in His love and your security in Christ.
you probably know something isn't that right.

anyone knows what i'm talking about?

first time since God-knows-when

yesterday night was the first time since God-knows-when when i just lay on the couch, closed my eyes and just sleep for a meagre two hours.
i completed my assignment at 3 plus in the morning.and contrary to what i thought, almost everyone else was up doing their assignment late into the night as well.
some of my group mates even started doing it at 1130pm.gosh.
hence.i think this just proves one thing.
often you always think the thing that you are going through, it's probably unique and special to your situation only.
however, others around you, they are probably going through similar situations as well.
darn i'm just rambling off larh.
forums are so boring.
they cater time for discussion but due to my lack of sleep.
i have no power in concentrating on what this fellow is talking in his forum.
so while he's rambling off his own stuff, i'm using my friend's lappy to ramble my thoughts as well.
i'm pretty much in a reflective mood these days. i'm not really sure why but i think it's a good thing.
oh ya.one thing why i didn't choose to sleep on my bed last night is because i know that when i wake up in the morning. the bed will be too comfy for me to leave it.
so i would rather just lie on the couch.
and it was raining pretty heavily yesterday night.

daydreaming.

"keep my eyes on Jesus. Yes Lord i thank You for the beauty and Your glory as shown in the people around me. But guard my heart.guard my heart."

there are so many things to be excited about in the Lord.

rather than get caught up in the things of the world.

You hide me in Your quiver, polishing me and training and preparing me
before You deem it time to shoot forth my arrow, where i'll be in a position that i can handle Your multitude of blessings.Amen.

so what's discipline?

hmms..
my friend asked me to go mos.
in fact every week my friends would ask me that.
but somehow.things have kinda changed.

there's just no mood.
really.
that a release of tension is not just rushing around with the loud music smoked areas and the good lookers.
that a greater release of tension is in running or hitting the weights.
or just resting at home.
maybe cos i've trained late at night for this past week.coupled with a lack of sleep and a mentally draining days.
i just don't seem to have the energy to bounce around.
that i have to rest.

wait.just to sidetrack
i ran twice late at night this week
in camp when lights were minimal
truthfully speaking.running at around 11 plus at night with no lights.
i could feel the adrenaline creeping up my head as i ran
so much so that at the end of a hard run of 30min.
i didn't feel that it was hard at all

and there's discipline in eating too.
and i tell myself.let His grace guide me in eating.
not in my self effort cos i know someday.willpower on your own is going to break some time some day
why not leave it to the Lord to take care of your eating habits.
that you thank God for your food.eat it with gratefulness.not condemnation.

i still rem for the first few months after commissioning.
i had a lull period
slept late woke up late
canteen everyday.
a plate of noodles, two eggs and veg. topped it with a cup of milo everytime.everytime
it's been a long time since i last drank iced milo on a regular basis
a long time..
that once in a blue moon.i just indulge in a cup.
and it doesn't help that the eating culture in my camp is anything but healthy.

and now that i'm on course
that's actually a snack corner..
snacks marshmallows chocolates.sweets and whatever junk food you can find.it's there.
and i see those around me eating those.
i had that feeling before.
where eating one could lead to eating another and so on.

i had that feeling before.
the feeling of relaxing in the mess before.
feeling bored.
so i went on a eating spree.
two toberones.one pack of chips.
for the record.that was kinda long ago.
i'm in the third week of 'healthy' eating.
note the punctuation.what's healthy to one may not be healthy to another.
that when i have wholemeal bread in campe ervyday and my friend tries to look for food. he will always reject it when i offer him some.
people would rather eat the smooth refined bread.
and he would rather eat all oily stuff but 'clean' stuff.
to each his own.

and yes i agree.good food is hard to resist.
but eating is all about habit
eating is all about habit

grace
grace

oh ya.sidetracking until where sia
running yes running.
marine parade always brings back memories
just passing by my jc yesterday
the 711 in neptune court
the road when i would always walk with my team out towards the bus stop at training at night
the swing in neptune court
and i'm not even at east coast park yet
that as i passed by vjc
i hear the puck puck sounds.of hockey players training
i hear the whistle and the oh so familiar shouts
soccer training.
and i had an idea
of waking up real early and running before first light
then when i've finished my run.the sun is already up with its streaks across the blue black sky


that when i was asked to say out my dreams yesterday
i forgot to say a few more things!
so i shall list them down here

to compete in a triathlon
to cycle in france along the tour de france route (part of it.not all definitely!)
mission trips
to travel

and many others.
but the cycle in france thing seriously just popped into my head.
and it will come to pass one day.by His grace

thank you Lord.for postponing the ambs meeting.
i was just speaking about it during care group
that i'm busy and haven't had the time to attend ambs training and stuff..
and there was supposed to be a meeting today
but when i went home to check my mail at midnight yesterday
i just received notice that the meeting is postponed due to the upcoming varsity exams.
when i read the mail.i cldn't believe my eyes and i read it twice to confirm.
praise the Lord.

that i don't want to just talk about Him during care group
or among my Christian mates
or during church.

i want to talk about Him to non believers
that i don't want to be the pear which i ate the other day
super sweet onbn the outside but a black and awful core on the inside.
where's the beauty in that?
i could see it in both ways

but still

tat's it
i'm just looking forward to the end of this week
when my exercise is over on sat.
and i can breathe in some civilian air

and yes.running.lifting weights.
they are all but a release of tension.

and rest is important too.

completely random.

that i derive no pleasure in that

hmms...
when you start to instil a lil more discipline into your life.with God's help
you realise some things you just start to lose interest in
but i guess it's just a phase
cos recently i've stepped up the frequency of my training.and i haven't really gave myself adequate rest
hence i can understand my dip in energy level in other things
even so

hmms..
i'm just waiting for the end of june to be here.

wait till i feel like bouncing around first

right now i just find my release in eating clean, running, and lifting some weights here and there.

praise the Lord.

attended the leader's meeting on monday.
i came out of it more refreshed.more built up in the spirit.
cos for the whole of monday i've been thinking of the confinement this sat and feeling kinda sick about it.
plus this's sat will be a new beginning for the youth ministry in new creation
and i would want to be part of it
the thing is.i've to be in camp

on sunday i msged anna whether the meeting on monday was about sat's 'campus'
she said she wasn't sure but it's good if i go for it
in my mind at that time.i want to go for it but i wasn't sure what time my course will end on mon itself
praise God it ended early and i could even have time to take public transport down to suntec.

truthfully speaking
sometimes i ask myself?
why do i put through the long journey down from the west to central singapore to attend meetings and stuff?
my flesh says it's tiresome..it's literally a pain in the ass to sit through all those stations.
boon lay.lakeside.chinese gardens.jurong east.blah blah
soon enough i can read to you the whole green line without me even putting any effort in memorizing
yea.mentally draining to travel
but somehow i just tell myself
whatever time i sow in these, whether it's for ambs or cg
whether or not i think it's troublesome
i know God is going to make it a 100 fold harvest for me
so yes whatever time i have, or whatever i can plan to attend such things
i will cos i know whatever time i sow into these things. i know God will take care of the rest
be there.
be there.
be there.

and pastor chin talked about serving during the leader's meeting and God really spoke to me through him
yes it's indeed the flesh that thinks it's tiring and stuff..
and discipline is needed to serve as well.
and it really relates to what i was experiencing
but serve knowing that you have the overflow in you
i know God has many helpers
but it's whether you feel the joy in being so willing to let Him use you as His helper

sow
sow
sow
Word, time,
and God will reap it for me
Amen.

the power of nua-ing

how do you nua at home during the weekend?
you reach home after you book out from camp.
On a sat: take a nap.read your course materials.go out for a dinner with your good bud.return home and do something.then attempt to read your course materials again
On a sunday: wake up pretty late for a run since the sun is scorching.you still go for a punishing run anyway.breakfast is at noon instead.you take a nap.and try to read your course materials again.before heading out for church.expecting a rhema word for the upcoming course.you return home for dinner.pack your stuff and before you know it you are back in camp already
praise the Lord.
before i forget.listening to Christian music throughout the weekend is like honey for the soul.
that good music doesn't just come from Hillsong United but from other artistes as well, as i have discovered.
praise the Lord.

inside out

ona thousand times i fail
your mercy remains
should i stumble again
i'm caught in Your grace

everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fails
never ending
your glory goes beyond all fame

i love the above stanza
when all else fails.when i can't.You can Lord.
when every method, whether it's the hard or soft approach is used to deal with this recruit, i trust that Your light will still shine the brightest.
that i'm not here to hate or condemn anyone, just as Jesus did not come to the world to condemn anyone
and if punishment needs to be meted out in the natural for him to learn and change his ways
it has to be done
but above all
still
Your light will shine through even in the midst of punishments and whatnot

that Lord i do not know how to govern these men
and i seek an understanding heart

energy within

i read and i read and i read blogs
whenever i go blog hopping and read about lives
i'm glad that i've Jesus
and i would want all those who i have crossed paths with to come to know Him.
because seriously
you won't know what you are living for until you know Jesus

throw my body out there for six punishing rounds with a 1:1 work rest ratio
i rested for close to 3min
i rested for 1 half min
the timing i clocked for consecutive rounds were still the same
might as well rest for 1 half min only

why do i want to run?
why do i want to shoot hoops?
instead of let's say sitting in front of the tube and blasting my fingers away at a game

i really don't know if you ask me

serotonin
euphoria

grace

i need grace to be able to attend the upcoming ambs events.
it kinda sucks when i can't be around as these two dates fall on the weeks when i've to stay in with my recruits as they are being confined.

when i saw 28 april as the date for welcome reception
i heave a sigh of relief as i am able to keep this day free.