you laugh at yourself

while i was walking in camp along the drain, the strip of road beside the drain was filled with algae and water, and i slipped and fell, with my right elbow cushioning my fall and both my legs just went ahead of me, landing straight on my butt.
i sat there in a "L" position, with my friends laughing their asses off at my hilarious state, and up went the two digits on both hands.
as i stood there laughing at myself as well, i realise it was such a nice feeling to just goof at yourself and be a child once again.
even my friends told me the "L" position i was in made me look like some small kid. praise God.

a chillout session at timbre with my buds.
talking a little bit of rubbish here and there clears off your mind.
and i laughed so much the whole of today that i think i had some isometric ab exercise or something.

safety

Be still in the shadow of the almighty, and there really is safety.
my foot condition was healed. i had much more peace within.

Be still.
i'm thankful for these early days when i just get to go home early, go out for a run or rather start my weights regime.
in fact i stopped weights a whole month before my ahm due to heavier intensity in my weekly runs, so much so that during the last week of my race when i tapered off, i felt so much energy to spend that i wanted to hit the gym so hungrily.
and i don't know today was just different, i would usually take a cab down to the nat stadium gym and cab back. but today or rather a change in my spending nature, i decided to walk back home from the national stadium instead.
my walk with Jesus. i was talking to Him all the time, taking my time and it took me a whole half an hour from stadium to home.
God's favour is all i'll find in all areas of my life.when i stop worrying over things.
it took me almost 3/4 of a year to come to an end of my flesh in this matter,
when i realised that's it. no more of my own flesh can produce any fruits, and it comes to a point when i lean totally on Him right now.
my God isn't done with this matter yet.
He is faithful.
Amen.
He does not put words in the bible for nothing. every single word that comes from His mouth is not for fun, they aren't to take me for a ride.
so when He says do not fret, be still,
i trust Him.

My LORD is not done with this matter yet.

a verse from heaven

today ZJ suddenly msged me and God knows where he got my number from.
i don't even have his number in my phone!
anyways he sent me a verse that i would keep dearly for my course right now.
knowing myself, i'm not really good in the knowledge of the things being taught in the course right now, even though i'm supposed to know given the training i had in the past.
whenever my friend asks me a qns, i would answer with that kind of 50-50 confidence in my answer.
and i don't want that, in fact i dislike that. i want to be able to answer questions with ease and confidence, and i know it's not going to be me because i know in my flesh how low on knowledge i can have.
and there this verse came out of the blue from ZJ
Paul said in Romans 15:14
"I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, COMPLETE in knowledge and COMPETENT to instruct one another."

praise God.

if it's painful to the flesh and it stinks,
walk away and don't think about it.
my dignity is in Jesus Christ.

Dignity

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only to evil.
For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

God's verse straight down to me.
Be still.

anyways.
there's this sign outside a toilet that tickled me when i saw it.
it reads "Baby changing station located inside the male toilet"
while i was waiting to fill up my bottle at the water dispenser just next to the toilet, i just can't help but ponder over the use of language in this.
oh wells.
so you mean there's a one-for-one swap business going on inside the male toilet?
or rather.
baby-diapers changing station would be more appropriate, in my own personal opinion.
what do you think?

all this while
Jesus holds me up in dignity.

Nuggets of grace from my CG

i went to camp last night..
tossed and turned and still can't sleep..
from 9 to 10..can't sleep..halfway my adrenaline would shoot for the sky, till i took out my mp3 and started to listen to songs..
halfway i just woke up, felt like making a phone call..
didn't really do much good in making me feel better..
tried to force myself to sleep..seconds to minutes, minutes to an hour till it was eleven and i began to feel sleepy..
and alvin's msg came at around 1 am wishing me luck for my race..
seriously i felt touched and grateful for that msg..
it's just a run, nothing biggy. but yea the fact that he bothered to msg me about it..
it was really God dropping me these nuggets of grace..
then came ezer in the morning after my race
even though it was after my race when i saw the message
i saved it cos the thought was there..
and when i went home after the race..tried to sleep but i couldn't because of a phone call that didn't help much, joey messaged and asked me how did the race go.
again i felt God was telling me something- these people care. and i trust that it's the Spirit that led them to send the message.
right from the night before to the morning, i realised He worked out everything for me
close to the flag off time i had to go to the gents and i needed tissue paper.
the toilet didn't have it but i randomly asked a group of ns guys who were helpers and one passed me a packet full of tissue paper. praise God for that.
easy.
during the race, Alvin encouraged me, as with Joel.and seriously, nothing works better than hearing words of encouragement from people in your cg..
even during the race. all the way through east coast. i was enjoying myself.
though it was painful at the last part, but God made it easy for me to endure..
anyways during the race..
i just kept reminding myself..
i'm already dead to self alr..
what's there to feel in my physical body, though my legs were stiff, my right ankle was hurting and my arms are tired.
praise the Lord..
He exceedingly answered my prayers.

the funny thing

catch the willow tree if you like movies which do not have a clear ending
which so suits me.
the picturehouse was like a freezer to me and it was seriously a mistake to wear just a pair of berms to the theatre. i was freaking freezing my lower limbs off..

anyways this movie's about this blind man who finally regains his sight after half of his life in darkness. as he trys to grapple with his new life, he finds himself drifting away from his family as he finally understands what beauty in women is to him.
till he went blind again and asked God to give him another chance,
and it ends just here.
so my buds and i were trying to understand if that second chance was to live life again back to his old blind self or to live life again as someone who can see.

so that's what a chillout means.
and the latte didn't really wake me up, or rather for a mere 15min
as i'm here sitting down after my bath, i feel that fatigue overcomes the caffeine

it's weird yesterday night.
after a msg was sent, i sorta drifted into my sleep.when i awoke at 5am and checked my phone, there wasn't any msg.
but as the morning progressed, i remember that i saw a reply in my phone some time during 1 plus am.
the thing is i seriously don't know if i was dreaming or the reply really came but i deleted it.
anyways.

You keep my in perfect peace
He whose mind is steadfast
because I trust in you.
this week i've been living each day just being still and waiting patiently unto Him.
as i said i can't really do much except to pray in tongues.
and i want to keep my mind focused on sunday.
and i don't want an untimely call or untimely news to distract me before sunday's race is over.
Let His grace abound.

of boys who tear.

today after my intervals around the track,
i was just thinking back

i saw my buddy cry when his ex called him and asked to be back with him after a long time since they broke

i saw another of my friend cry into his pillow in his bunk when his girlfriend and him did not work out.

when i was covering myself with the jacket in the train, when i was sleeping on my sis's bed on a monday night pretty long ago, when i was on the plane back,
God saw those tears.
only God sees them, not anyone else.

nowadays i don't know why i just feel like hitting my bed at 9 in the night.
pretty early isn't it.
and during the long and torturous lecture today, He told me that i am always above and never under the circumstances.
I'm always the head and never the tail because of Christ in me.
it shows so clearly in a recent matter.

bourne and la va ien rose

i was checking the timing of la va ien rose in Life! and sadly, only GV vivo is still screening the movie with weird timings.
i was flipping through the papers when my friend asked me what movie i was searching for
when i told him "la va ien rose", he replied with a "wtf?! what movie is that?"
he then pointed towards the picture of bourne ultimatum and remarked that it would be a great movie.

and then thoughts raced through my mind
i'm not a action-movie guy, and i don't like movies with plenty of conversations in it
i prefer movies that make me reflect on the issue that is being raised in it
so throw me a picturehouse film anytime.

this same friend was discussing with another friend on the advantages of PSP against nintendo DS lite.
and with the increased in occurence of people seen fiddling with these hand held consoles in the MRT,
i still don't get it after these 20 years.
and another friend just told me he is into dota now, which reminds me of my dear classmates since J1.

on another side of the world, i managed to interact with this guy called leonard who is a triathlon enthusiast.
he told me that after he completed his first marathon, he asked himself what's next for him. and hence his subsequent biathlons, triathlons.
after ahm this sunday, he's taking part in the AVIVA half ironman distance the week after that, with his aim on the full ironman distance in Australia! come the end of the year.
we were discussing about his training program for the week and i was shocked to find out that he trains 7 days a week with no rest at all.
he runs once to twice a week, and he bikes on the same days as his running days.
some days he would put in double training a day, waking up to clock his distance before work and doing it again after work.
such dedication and i looked at him and wondered," does he have a life? does he have time for friends? does he have time for a movie and a chill-out after that?"
i never really got to ask him this question.
but what i saw was dedication.
or rather pure insanity as some might think.

this mirrors this ultramarathon guy called dean something.
i finished reading his book while in Australia and i was pretty much motivated by him.
he would wake up early just to clock his runs before work, sometimes squeezing in a 45min run during lunch and doing it again after work.

and i was thinking. i don't want to slack off after my NS days and be a slob,
i still want to be active
and run marathons even to my nineties
as He say He shall make my bones strong. no doubt about that.

abrupt.

Rest.

as i attempt to keep this blog alive, or rather keep my fingers active,
there isn't anything much to say is there?

or am i just tired, by the myriad of stuff going through my head every day.
how true it is, to guard not only your hearts but your mind first.

since i've come back from overseas, i haven't really caught up on my sleep.
my half marathon is this sunday.
let Grace abound in the race.

on sunday at boon lay mrt, i wanted to get this 'pgeng kui', which is this pink foot-shaped pastry with glutinous rice and traces of mushroom in it from the small eatery at the bus interchange.

"Auntie gei wo yi ge pgeng kui'
Auntie, give me one of this, my finger pointing at the pastry.

and she placed it in a plastic wrapper.
but i wanted to eat it there at that place, and i would very much prefer it to be on a plate so that i can add endless chilli sauce and sweet sauce to it.

"ni you mei you pan ah?"
Do you have a plate for this?

she gave me a stoned look, staring into blank space.
thinking that she didn't hear my request, i repeated it.

"mei you mei you la, zhe li mai mian cai hui gei pan zi"
we don't provide a plate for this pastry. we will only give you a plate when you buy the noodles.

"ni mei you pan zi ah? wo yao fang lai jiao jiang he tian jiang"
you don't have a plate? i wish to put chilli sauce and sweet sauce on it

she went on to say that it is possible to put the two sauces into the plastic wrapper as well.
infuriated, i decide to just bear with it and buy the pastry in the wrapper.
just when i was about to pay for it, i decided to give it back to her.
my blood was still boiling which i really don't know why, what's so difficult in giving a paper plate for it?
if I'm not in Christ, or rather my deadly flesh would have just thrown that pink pastry back at her.
in the end, politeness prevailed and i just placed it back on the display top, saying that i don't want it anymore. at this time i think it's quite difficult to hide my anger even though i was thanking her for it.
oh wells.
i left the place and told Him "Lord i'm not desperate to eat that."

i seriously don't know what got into me but really it's hard to get my blood on the rise.
and i can just attribute it to too much mind activity that probably triggered such a reaction.

i can just pack my bags at pursue a double degree in sports science and psychology overseas.
but what's holding me back, or rather my conviction to stay put here,
is that i don't want to miss out on the growth of the church ministry.
i thought about it for quite some time, my mum even offered me to study overseas.
but yea being away for that four years, i don't want to just come back during my term breaks and realise that i've missed out on the tremendous growth of everything in the church.
i want to be part of it, cos i know i'm blessed to be in this church, ministry, everything.
the amount of sowing day by day amounting to that four years, i can't imagine how much God can bring the harvest in these four years locally
yes you can say i can sow it overseas as well, getting involved in an overseas church and stuff, but it just feels that something's amiss by being away from the church.

it's definitely not the company,the recognition, the fame (what fame?), the glory (what human glory?)
but knowing that there's so much growth in store for me right here in the ministry.

i went for the career seminar and pastor Chin just said something that washed me afresh.
make a decision in any part of your life that glorifies the body of Christ or God.
this decision about my studies, i don't want to make the decision that does not glorify the body of Christ.
so how do i know?
usually the voice that speaks to you right there and then is the voice to heed.

here i am in melbourne

hmms..
weather is real nice..
can just wear a jacket and feel comfy just walking around on the streets like that.
i'm definitely going for a run during my stay here.
weather is too good to resist.
it's like running in an airconditioned room, only thing is that it is the outdoors this time
beats running on a treadmill that makes me feel like a gym rat.

if u ask me why i am here
i always tell myself, or rather let Him tell me
it's my retreat with Jesus.and Jesus alone.

shall listen to my manna for today
which i don't noe what but i'm sure i';; get it today
i just got it at the perth airport yesterday while i was getting a sandwich.
i'm lazy to type it out actually..
just lazing around doing bollocks right here at their place.

hang around at the computer.

i just realise i'm really doing nothing at home.
packing my stuff and taking breaks in between, running to the computer and stoning in front of it with really no thoughts going through my head.
i go to runnersworld.com and read the articles which i have read before,
trying to get some motivation, and seemingly at a loss for my decision to go running, cycling or to the gym with my sis and dad.
resting at home i should say.
i was so restless after my evening nap that i wanted to go for another run just now, but it's not wise to do so.
restless!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a venture into a runner's mind

as i tried so hard to convince myself to wake up and just run those intervals, i mustered whatever energy i could muster and got out of bed
even as i was brushing my teeth and waiting for my dad to be done in his room, i was on the sofa still with second thoughts of heading out to the national stadium for my repeats.
my eyes were in a daze but when he came out of the room, it seems some psychomotor skills just pushed me to tie up my asics running shoes and i was ready, i hope.

when i reached the stadium praise God i saw a Caucasian runner running topless and he seems very much like an endurance athlete.
i went for my two rounds of warm-up at a snail pace, my legs still feeling sluggish.
i had to really warm myself up with drills before i start to press on my watch for the 1200m repeats.
while i'm running, here's what went through my mind:

to remind myself to focus on the pace, to keep a high leg turnover and reasonably good stride length.

reminding myself to breathe through my nose instead of my mouth

"Lord i can't, but You give me the strength to complete this"

"When i am weak, You are strong"

"Lord, i'm already dead, Your strength Your strength."

those thoughts of "is this the right thing to do? is this the right thing to say? i should not have done this, i should not have done that" ran through my head

and i remind myself i am the righteousness of God in Christ.

"doesn't matter whether i've made mistakes, are making mistakes or will make mistakes"

"i'm covered by Jesus and He makes my mistakes prosper even"

when i thought of the bold line above,i felt so negative and short of energy to complete the lap
and no replace that with Godly thoughts to strengthen me.

i was thinking,"If i'm going to let these negative thoughts come into my head during my 21km, i MATI already"

that i'm really not prepared for my 21km on aug 26th
to hit 1hr30min is going to be His grace and strength.
so let me boast not of my own training, strength or flesh, but boast of His glory in my 21km.
no matter how much i train, i don't think it's enough
and isn't it good news to know that i'm not qualified or disqualified by the flesh works i've put into running?

it's done.

die to self.

"equip with me with Your boldness to share the good news"

that even a meal with a newcomer, talking about light topics, the handshake, the love of Christ will just flow through and touch him.

sometimes some things aren't nice to see with our own eyes.
going by the normal conventions
some people might seem a lil weird.
but it's not our flesh loving these people anyway.
it's Christ in us who loves them and accepts them the way they are.

that whoever who feels a lil weird to you, whether in character, mannerisms or appearance.
rejoice knowing that God so loves everyone that He's working in all our lives to transform us from Glory to Glory.
He did not say from a lowly position to a glorious position.
from Glory to Glory
ultimately it's God's glory in the person's life.
what may be glorious to the flesh and our own eyes, they are just temporal and things of the world.

28 Then they asked him, "What must we DO to DO the WORKS God requires?"

29 Jesus answered,"The WORK of God is this: to believe in the one He has sent."

what must we do? what must we do to be a 'good' Christian?
what must we avoid? what must we avoid to be a 'good' Christian?

where the answer is said by the Author himself.
Just believe in the Son whom the Father has sent.
to just believe.

Matthew 11:28-30

GP Seminar

i received much from GP seminar..

whatever time that allows me to put time into the church, i will do it.
i realise all my saturdays have been spent on ndp
today's different and i was glad that there was this church activity going on..
i received from the seminar today.
i'm going for a course soon.which involves studying and planning
and going by my own intelligence and knowledge, i'm nowhere near that..
and i took all those cards with those nuggets of phrases with God's wisdom in it..
my daily manna for my course. =)

i remember it's not about "I'm serving Christ"
Christ does not need people to serve Him.
it's the overflow of His love in us that moves us to just do things for His glory.
By His Spirit.
thank God.

my Saviour King

Saviour King just blew me away the first time i heard it
it has been on repeat mode since i received the song from kelly
i love this drum beat in the song that sounds like the military march..

Hope which was lost
now stands renewed.

beautiful