Rest.

as i attempt to keep this blog alive, or rather keep my fingers active,
there isn't anything much to say is there?

or am i just tired, by the myriad of stuff going through my head every day.
how true it is, to guard not only your hearts but your mind first.

since i've come back from overseas, i haven't really caught up on my sleep.
my half marathon is this sunday.
let Grace abound in the race.

on sunday at boon lay mrt, i wanted to get this 'pgeng kui', which is this pink foot-shaped pastry with glutinous rice and traces of mushroom in it from the small eatery at the bus interchange.

"Auntie gei wo yi ge pgeng kui'
Auntie, give me one of this, my finger pointing at the pastry.

and she placed it in a plastic wrapper.
but i wanted to eat it there at that place, and i would very much prefer it to be on a plate so that i can add endless chilli sauce and sweet sauce to it.

"ni you mei you pan ah?"
Do you have a plate for this?

she gave me a stoned look, staring into blank space.
thinking that she didn't hear my request, i repeated it.

"mei you mei you la, zhe li mai mian cai hui gei pan zi"
we don't provide a plate for this pastry. we will only give you a plate when you buy the noodles.

"ni mei you pan zi ah? wo yao fang lai jiao jiang he tian jiang"
you don't have a plate? i wish to put chilli sauce and sweet sauce on it

she went on to say that it is possible to put the two sauces into the plastic wrapper as well.
infuriated, i decide to just bear with it and buy the pastry in the wrapper.
just when i was about to pay for it, i decided to give it back to her.
my blood was still boiling which i really don't know why, what's so difficult in giving a paper plate for it?
if I'm not in Christ, or rather my deadly flesh would have just thrown that pink pastry back at her.
in the end, politeness prevailed and i just placed it back on the display top, saying that i don't want it anymore. at this time i think it's quite difficult to hide my anger even though i was thanking her for it.
oh wells.
i left the place and told Him "Lord i'm not desperate to eat that."

i seriously don't know what got into me but really it's hard to get my blood on the rise.
and i can just attribute it to too much mind activity that probably triggered such a reaction.

i can just pack my bags at pursue a double degree in sports science and psychology overseas.
but what's holding me back, or rather my conviction to stay put here,
is that i don't want to miss out on the growth of the church ministry.
i thought about it for quite some time, my mum even offered me to study overseas.
but yea being away for that four years, i don't want to just come back during my term breaks and realise that i've missed out on the tremendous growth of everything in the church.
i want to be part of it, cos i know i'm blessed to be in this church, ministry, everything.
the amount of sowing day by day amounting to that four years, i can't imagine how much God can bring the harvest in these four years locally
yes you can say i can sow it overseas as well, getting involved in an overseas church and stuff, but it just feels that something's amiss by being away from the church.

it's definitely not the company,the recognition, the fame (what fame?), the glory (what human glory?)
but knowing that there's so much growth in store for me right here in the ministry.

i went for the career seminar and pastor Chin just said something that washed me afresh.
make a decision in any part of your life that glorifies the body of Christ or God.
this decision about my studies, i don't want to make the decision that does not glorify the body of Christ.
so how do i know?
usually the voice that speaks to you right there and then is the voice to heed.