Humility.

Do the great things as if they are small
do the small things as if they are great
because of the greatness of Christ that lives in me.

this word humility keeps on opening up to me.

this is how an arrow is sharpened
as the arrow undergoes sharpening, layers and layers of me just fade away while layers after layers of the confidence of Christ takes over.

that it's so easy to tend towards trusting in one's own flesh.
but then again i ask myself, or rather my Father is asking me "by standing up there to speak, how much of your own strength do you think it takes? or is it all from Christ?"

in case i seem to be talking without any clue here.
let's say there's a presentation coming up.
due to appointment, another person stands up to present.
while i myself really want to do the presentation, even though i don't mind if i don't do it all.
then i start to think that i can do a much better presentation when the other person is presenting.
that's where my Father started to throw me the qns as already mentioned above.

that i know it's all the glory of Christ.
i thank You Lord for lifting me up.
time and time again in the night when i just couldn't do anything else by my own strength, i just cried out "Abba Father" repeatedly.
and man's expectations couldn't get a hold on me.
even though in the natural when there's a rush to get things done by a certain time and nothing seems to get done yet, i got a lil panicky.
but as i took a toilet break in the middle of everything, i just kept confessing that everything is under grace, under His grace, and there's just so much peace in that.

that it's so evident of the shalom peace of God when there's a consciousness of His finished work.
when the appointment holder list was up, everyone was scurryin around to get the things they need because we actually have to shift our planning location by a certain time.
my fellow course mate was scurryin around to get the materials and aids he needed.
another mate was a lil heated up and was like a gan chiong spider.
while there was a tendency for me to follow what my course mate was doing, that is to get the materials that i need, i just paused for awhile and told God this
"Father i don't want to do what others are doing. i don't want to follow them just because they are doing it. i want You to lead me in getting the things prepared instead"
and i ended up not doing much preparation, or rather just doing the normal preparation without any anxiety.
and in my planning room i spoke out to my other course mates to relax.
and here in lies the interesting part
i told them i can relax because i have God with me.
and obviously the rest gave a laugh and replied that when the crunch time comes, then i'll remark "oh my God!" in desperation.

i just kept quiet after that.
but i thank God for the boldness.
=)